Today was the big day! I threw down with my cell phone company. I've been working up to this for weeks now--gettin' all mad, losing sleep, punching pillows. When it comes to billing disputes, I train like Mike Tyson. That's right, I got a tattoo on my face, and I ate an ear....of corn.
You may recall my tale of the blackberry that scares me? Well, it's caused me nothing but grief since I purchased it. Oh yes, the Blackberry Pearl is cute. It's all red and snazzy, but the usability is pathetic. I just despise the thing. And, to top it off, I can't do what I need to do with it in the first place. Oh, and, I hate the plan I'm on now. It's all terrible.
Here's the story. I needed a blackberry (well, as much as anybody needs yet another device that makes them appear cool, yet feel like a total idiot), so I went looking for one. My cell phone contract isn't up for another 3 months, so I had a quandary on my hands. Stick with my current provider (that isn't really supported by my company), or go to someone else and wait out the rest of my current contract.
One day, I wandered into the cell phone store of my current provider (we'll call them "Phonies") wanting nothing more than to see what they offered. The salesperson (who will be known as PP for Phone Pusher) was very helpful. It may have been the best experience I've ever had with Phonies, and I've been a customer for almost 10 years (hot damn that makes me feel old). Since my phone wasn't up for an upgrade for another 2 weeks, I figured I'd just wait (since I certainly didn't want to pay retail for a new phone).
Then, PP told me that I could walk out with a new phone today AND get 550 minutes. My ears unwillingly perked up. We wandered over to the phones, and I fell for the Red Pearl (it's really cute). She made some magic happen on the computer and told me I had to keep my old phone for 3 days, then come back and get the number applied to the blackberry. I was a little confused about the whole keeping the old phone part of the deal, but she didn't offer up much of an explanation. She told me that I would keep the other phone as a back-up, which still didn't make sense, but I just went with it. Also, when PP brought out my new beauty of a phone, she grabbed a memory card for me because she knew I'd want it. I didn't, but I was so confused and thankful for her "helpfulness" that I just agreed to it. I'm such a sucker! She signed me up for the voice service and blackberry service (about which I asked if it had the Data Enterprise Server, and she said yes).
Then, I was on my way. And that's when I realized that I may have been duped. I let it sit for a couple of days, you know, so the pus-filled wound that is my poor-buying decision ability could fester. Once I was out of the store, I found the phone very difficult to use because, even though PP showed me how easy it was to type...it wasn't. That stupid phone kept trying to make me type other things. Then, I started really questioning the blackberry plan since she offered no explanation as to what it included. At that point, I chose to do a little internet research where I discovered that I was now on a family plan. That's right, lonely old me now has 2 cell phone numbers. There is no reason for that! I started seething over it and actually sat up at nights getting irritated (because I'm that person).
After waiting the three days to get the numbers switched, I went back to Phonies. Unfortunately for me, PP called in sick that day. I explained to my "host" that I needed to talk to someone about my plan because I wasn't happy with it and needed some explanations. All the random sales guys then piped in telling me that there was nothing I could do after 30 days. Now, I made it pretty clear that I had purchased the phone a mere 6 days prior, so their hemming and hawing over the 30-day money-back guarantee was unnecessary. Then, they started chiming in about changing numbers that are from other carriers (again, not the issue).
I walked away and waited for someone to help me. Minutes later, a salesperson (this one will go by BS for "Witch w/a B" Salesperson) called my name. I explained my frustration to BS, and she started by telling me that there was nothing I could do. Excellent start. I told her that since I am only one person, I see no need to be on a family plan (except to destroy my sense of self-worth). BS told me that I couldn't change the plans. I suggested that I just return the blackberry and go back to my old plan with my current phone. She told me that would be a tedious process for her and told me that my old plan was now void. So, I am stuck with the old phone for another 2 years. She did mention that in another week, I could upgrade the old phone. I suggested that I return the blackberry at that point, and then upgrade the old phone. She didn't like that idea because it would create too much of a hassle for her (as if me having 2 phones and a ridiculous plan that is costing me way too much isn't a hassle for me). BS insisted that it was a good idea to have two phones because anyone with just one phone is running a big risk. Seeing that we were clearly at an impasse, I chose to just walk out. I figured I'd just come back in a week and see what happens.
After that incident, Phonies Phone Sales started calling me trying to get me to upgrade my old phone and get a family plan. You know, the same plan I'm already on, but don't want. They really need to learn to communicate in that company. They are as bad as the gym when the call me every day for three weeks after I've re-upped my membership telling me that I shouldn't let it expire. It really makes me wonder if it's just some sort of trick, so I pay them AGAIN without realizing the error.
So, last week, I contacted my friendly IT Department and made a new friend. I may have to bake him cookies since he was forced to sit on the phone with me for countless minutes as we discovered that my blackberry plan did NOT have the Enterprise Server. Those Phonie Liars! That was on Friday, and I began preparing for the Cell Phone Throwdown. Originally, I scheduled the throwdown for Saturday afternoon, but I decided to wait until Monday (because I was too pooped from my bike ride, and because I thought I might need to demand a manager).
So, today, I was ready. I had a huge speech prepared, and I was ready to fight. I may be a terribly gullible sucker and am easy to sway when it comes to ridiculous purchases, but I'm also an expert at returning things. You can cross me all you want, but don't think I'm keeping whatever useless thing you sold me. I have my ways!
I marched on into Phonies, which was totally hoppin', and I told the "host" that I wanted to return my phone and cancel my plan. He signed me onto the waiting list and told me, "Hmm...I'll be honest with you. The wait is about 20 minutes. You might just come back later." Ha! I wasn't falling for that trick. They have no idea how good I am at standing around doing nothing. So I waited, and finally my name was called. It was go time! I walked up to my salesperson who was busy texting someone on his phone and didn't bother to look up when I said hello. I told him I wanted to return my phone, and he mumbled something (because he's a mumbler). Then, he just let me return it (never stopping his texting throughout the transaction). I didn't have to go into my big explanation. I felt a bit deflated, but glad all the same. While I was returning the phone, PP walked in from her break. I have to admit that two weeks ago I felt a little guilty about wanting to return the phone because she was just so very nice, but today, I could see that she was just a very persuasive weasel.
The next step was to call Phonies and cancel the service. Things were going very smoothly, until my customer service rep (who we will call DP for Diligent Persuader), noticed that I have been a customer for almost 10 years and didn't want to lose me. He started offering me all sorts of things, including the Pearl to which I exclaimed "I hate that phone". Based on his response, I don't think I'm the only one. I explained the work email problem, and he figured out what plan carried that. Then, he started offering me all kinds of deals. And, well, I ended up buying a different blackberry (which wasn't part of the new plan) and getting a pretty sweet deal on the services. So, I'm sticking with Phonies. Should everything go awry once my new blackberry arrives, I'm totally returning it and going back to my other plan.
So, I'm still a sucker, and I'm still leery of the new phone and services. I won't know until I get it...but I do have 30 days to decide whether or not it's working for me. So, I guess that's something.
Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get to throw down at the store. I was totally prepared because nothing makes my blood boil faster than anything remotely suspect in the realm of phones, banking, or healthcare.
Next time.
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