Phonies Just Don't Quit!

Remember the Phonies saga? If not, please refer to the Phonies Phollies section for a quick review.

Well, as it turns out, Phonies isn't done with me. Nope. Not at all. A couple weeks ago, I came home after a quick trip to New York and found a letter from them. To be specific, it was a bill. Is that the sound of disgust I hear coming from your end of the computer screen? I thought so. My reaction was the same.

Apparently, I'm not done dealing with them (which is weird for so many reasons, including the fact that I've been with Heaven long enough to consider switching over to another carrier simply because I want a really cool, state-of-the-art phone, rather than the paperweight I've been lugging around for the past...oh, two years).

So what was up with the bill? Well, it wasn't as devastating as I first expected. In fact, it was a windfall of sorts. Due to an accounting correction, it seems that Phonies owes me $2.54. Yes, one year and eight months after finally ending my battle with them and officially closing my account, they still owe me money.

Being the suspicious and, possibly, paranoid person that I am, I called Phonies to get an explanation. My fear, of course, being that someone, for whatever reason, stole my identity and opened an account with them (which is not SO ridiculous, seeing as how my credit card number was used years ago to spend $1500 with AT&T before I had even activated the card).

I dialed the ever-familiar number and went through the process of demanding a person from the voice-activated operator, and finally found my way to (let's call him) Joe. Joe wanted my phone number, so I explained to him that I had not been a Phonies customer for over a year and a half and was calling because I just received a bill stating that I have a credit of $2.54 on my account that was closed in April of 2008. Joe laughed for quite awhile, saying something about a flawed billing cycle and promised to get a check in the mail to me.

I suppose it was a little funny. Oh Phonies, you lovable scamps!

Triumph!

You know what they say...Bitch betta have my money.  And, by George, bitch did!

The day finally arrived.  I won my battle with Phonies.  I have to admit, for the past few days, I started to question whether or not the battle was really over...and it is!

I checked my mail this afternoon, and what was waiting for me?  A check.  Who was it from?  Phonies.  How much was it for?  The exact amount they owed me.  I have overcome!

And let me tell ya, the timing couldn't have been better.  My bank account was about to be overdrawn, and if you know me and my meticulous financial accounting and conservative view of how much money I should have available to myself at all times, you know that's about as rare as bird poop landing in someone's mouth.  Of course, now I want to know what happened to all of my cash.  I blame Phonies.  Well, except their check allowed me to send off my rent check and the extra $10 that DPT claims I owe them for a parking violation (which I think is total BS because the ticket clearly stated $50, but they are claiming it said $60...and I don't have a copy of the ticket to prove my point, so I'm out ten bucks for a stupid parking violation that, while I did deserve it, was totally annoying because the officer quickly wrote it as I was walking up to my car, then ran to his car and sped away so he wouldn't have to face me...they should have to pay ME $10...but after the Phonies experience, there isn't much fight left...so I wrote the check.) without risking overdrawing my bank account and incurring overdraft fees.  I don't want to admit that Phonies saved me in the end, but maybe it's just desserts for them.  Here they were trying to screw me for months, and in the end, they helped me out by actually doing the right thing.

So, yay!  Now I just need the government to give me my money, and to get those overdue expense checks, and then I'll be back on my game.  And then when I'm back on my game, I need to figure out where all my money went.  Hookers and blow?  Perhaps.

You're Kidding, Right?

Uhhh.....yeah.

Remember that whole Phonies debacle?  Well, it's not over yet.  Today I logged onto my email to see that I received a bill from them.  What did that bill say?  Did it have the appropriate amount that they owed me on it?  No.  They apparently were under the impression that they only owed me $39, as opposed to the hundreds that they actually DO owe me.

Yes, I was livid.  Yes, I ran to bathroom to yell at my own reflection in preparation for my phone call.  No, I'm not able to actually look at the charges on my bill because they blocked my access to my account via their website.

I called and got someone from customer service.  Unfortunately for her, I was not in the mood to be my usual nice self.  No, I just let her know how frustrated I am, how much money they owe me, how they stole money from me, how the lied to me...you know, everything.  She was professional the whole way through.  She informed me that I was charged $65 for my monthly bill, and that set me off even more.  Why?  Because I was on a $15/month plan.  After quite a bit of hunting, she discovered that Omega (and I'm pretty sure she thought I made up that name) DID waive my early cancellation fee (since she DID do that after all).  Before she transferred me to finance, I wanted to find out about the $65 charge.  She said she was looking into it, but she transferred me to finance during her hunt.

Once on the phone with finance, I was connected with a new operator.  She was very sweet and was really enjoying the nice weather--so much so, that she couldn't type anything in correctly.  After quite a bit of quality time on hold while she had her supervisor fix my account, she returned.  The fee was waived, all was restored.  I mentioned the $65 charge, and she almost transferred me back to customer service.  Luckily I stopped her with my next batch of questions.  When will I get my money back?  Are you sending me a check?  When will I see it?  How much money should I expect?

The answers: We're working on that now. Yes. 7-10 days.  The correct amount I was quoted by Omega back on April 2.

She then offered to transfer me to customer service, but I told her not to because the check amount was correct (meaning they charged me even more money than they were supposed to...again!).  She then started whispering to me, but her phone kept cutting out.  I like to think she was telling me what a terrible company Phonies is.  After that, I engaged in a bit of small talk about the weather and wished her well.

It was a nice experience in the end.

It will be even better when I get that check in 7-10 days.

You know I'll be checking the mail, and if I don't see it, they are getting another irate phone call from a gorilla.

Could it Be? Did My Nightmare Just End?

Well, in true triathlete form, I’m skipping track practice today.  Why?  Because I need to clean my house.  My parents will be here tomorrow, and it’s a disaster.  Since I don’t want to suffer through my mom’s disappointment, I will clean.  Okay, I will do a half-assed job of cleaning and hide the rest.

But that’s not why I’m here.  I just got off the phone with Phonies.  Fingers crossed, it was my final call.

Things have been a little quiet on the Phonies front, mostly because I’ve been too busy to deal with it.  Let’s see, where did we leave off?  I returned the phone and was awaiting my refund.  I was also awaiting a refund for the rest of those erroneous charges, which added up to $10 (yes, I know I’m cheap--shut it).

So, my bill arrived, and it had a negative balance.  Hoorah.  But it wasn’t negative enough for my satisfaction.  Two days later, I checked my account on the website, and the number was more negative, but not negative enough to account for the price of the phone.  I had a sinking suspicion that they cheated me out of my money.  I know, how could I possibly think such a thing?  They’ve been so honest and giving. 

Last week, I finally found some time to call them, and even though it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon, the call center was closed.  I know what you’re thinking...they’ve totally blackballed me.  Knowing that my hands were tied and not wanting to get into another tete-a-tete with the online support, I opted to wait a few days.

Today was the day.  I called, and I spoke with Phyllis.  She was a sweet lady--dumb as a box of rocks, but sweet.  Feeling that honey would get me further (and feeling a little removed from the whole situation since I hadn’t spoken to them in a month), I was nothing but sugar.  Phyllis ate it up.  She couldn’t figure out what I was talking about, but she was on my side.  She read me every line item on my bill.  She hemmed and hawed, not understanding how or why I would have $475 in credits.  When I started discussing my concern about getting under-credited for the phone, she told me that I had already gotten $475 in credit and felt that I should be happy with that.  I will never be happy with that.  I wanted the remaining $60....and I wanted that other $10 as well...but not as much as the $60.  After crunching some numbers with her, I managed to convince her that I did actually have a case. 

Prior to this happening, there was a hilarious conversation in which, I was trying to explain that the credit on my bill should be larger.  Phyllis, in all her sweetness, said, with great concern, "Oh dear.  You know just because there’s a negative next to that number...  It doesn’t mean you are in the negative.  We owe you money."

Oh Phyllis...you silly goose!  "Oh, I KNOW that.  You owe me quite a bit of money.  I’m not one to drop the fight early either."  And we laughed.

Then, she transferred me to tele-sales.  The woman helping me at tele-sales was also very nice.  I returned the favor and explained my situation.  When she first looked up the phone credit, which was $60 less than what I paid, she told me that they had already reimbursed me for the remainder of that balance back in February.  "Ha!" I said. "Those credits were for other erroneous (my favorite word to throw around with Phonies) charges.  Only $40 was taken off of the price of the phone."

Further investigation ensued, and she returned to tell me that I did have a point.  She wrote some notes in my file and transferred me to finance, so they could make the changes.  When I got transferred, I found myself stuck in computer option hell.  How could this be?  It didn’t even respond to my cries for a person. Finally, after pushing several buttons, I was transferred...to Passion.

Passion was no-nonsense.  If ever there was a stereotypical finance employee, it was her.  It took awhile, but I made her laugh.  Within minutes, she saw that they DID owe me $60, and she credited me.  Then, I asked her how I could get that money, and Passion was silent.  I thought I lost her, so I repeated my query about getting a check in the mail.  "Why would you want that?  You’ve got the credit on your account."  Oh, Passion...so innocent and naive.  It took some explaining, but telling her my tale of cancelling my service at the end of the month, she put me on hold.

Before I knew what was happening, Omega was on the line to help me.  At first I hoped she said, Amanda, but she didn’t.  Her name was Omega, and, to the best of my knowledge, she isn’t one of the American Gladiators.

"Miss Cardelia, how can I help you?"

"Well, I want to get this credit on my account sent to me in check form.  I’ll even settle for you depositing into my bank account (from which you unethically took it a month ago--I didn’t say that part)."

If I thought Passion was no-nonsense, I was wrong.  Omega had this act down.  "You can’t cancel your account.  You have an equipment upgrade, so you’re contract isn’t up for another 2 years."

She clearly had no idea who she was dealing with.  "Uhh...that’s impossible.  I returned that phone.  The whole reason I have this enormous credit is because I got refunded for it.  There’s no equipment upgrade here.  Trust me.  I’d take a picture of me holding the phone in front of the mirror, except that it doesn’t have a camera (Okay, I didn’t say that last sentence either, but it would have been rad if I did.)"

"Did you return it after 30 days?"

Seriously?  What’s with this question?  And, I’ve said it before, what the hell kind of cheap-ass computers are they using over at Phonies?  How is this information not right there?  Why must I go through the whole ordeal EVERY F-ING TIME?  "It was in your warehouse on February 27.  I got refunded.  It was well within the 30 day time limit."

"Oh, I see that.  Why didn’t you cancel your service when you returned the phone?"  She asked, sure that she had me between a rock in a hard place.

"Because my contract isn’t up until the end of April, and the only way to avoid the early termination fee was to keep the account until then."

Still not having it, she replied, "Well, why did you want to cancel your service in the first place?"

I can’t believe that I haven’t just recorded this already.  I’m bored with myself here.  I went through the whole thing, and just like everyone else, she decided to stick with the "technical issues" reason as my reason for leaving Phonies.  Knowing that that wasn’t good enough, I expressed my disgust with their lies.  Then she told me she was canceling the account.  Worried, I asked if she was charging me a fee.  Apparently she waived that because there was no way to convince me to stick with them.  Why couldn’t that have happened two months ago?  Where have you been all of my life, Omega?

So, as of April 10, I am free of Phonies, and a check will be in the mail (and it better be in the damn mail and it better be for $266 because I have a phone, and I am not afraid to use it).  AND, I ported my number over to the Heaven phone.  In 24 hours, I will be whole again...I hope.

Now I should do my taxes, and clean my house, and do my dishes, and change my flat tire, and vacuum, and brush my teeth, and maybe I should get a cookie...oh, and I have some work to do as well.

It never ends.

...and in case you were wondering. I didn’t change any of the names in this story to protect the innocent.  Their names really were Passion and Omega.  Awesome.

It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over

Yep, Phonies is STILL the bane of my existence. Ready for the update? Where to begin? Last week, I received the return envelope from Phonies, so I sent back blackberry deux. I diligently tracked the shipment and saw that it was delivered to their warehouse on Thursday. Upon making that discovery, I called Phonies to inquire about my credit.

Unfortunately for me, their phone system hung up on me every time I called. Under normal circumstances, I'd just think they were having technical problems; however, considering the fact that I call them almost every day, I suspect they blackballed me. On Friday, I attempted to call again. The phone system still wouldn't let my call go through. Just so we are clear, it hung up on me after I entered my number and asked the computer voice to transfer me to a representative. Suspicious, no?

At this point, I decided to log onto Phonie's website. While there, I saw that they had a web chat function with customer service. Feeling that I had nothing to lose, I had a nice chat with Beverly who informed me that I wouldn't get the credit for 1-2 billing cycles. After telling her that this was totally unacceptable and demanding that I not be held responsible for the price of the phone that I no longer have in my possession, she seemed baffled. Apparently, waiting two billing cycles for a couple hundred dollars seems perfectly reasonable to her. She actually thought I'd be happy to have a big credit on my account. I explained to her that I want a check for the amount, rather than a credit. Baffled, she typed, "I don't understand. Are you canceling your service?" 

Do they really need to ask? After going back and forth with her on the subject (throwing in my opinion on how unethical they are regarding their outright refusal to send me an adjusted bill, so I know what the charges actually are), she agreed to put the amount in question in "dispute". That means, I am not responsible for paying for that amount (since she wasn't keen on cutting me a check, and I have no desire to pay them money I don't owe them, this was a decent solution). I thanked her for her help, and logged onto the computer.

While on there, I canceled the automatic bill-pay from my checking account, paid the balance not in dispute with my credit card, and felt like I was making slight progress. Monday rolled around, and I decided that I didn't entirely trust Beverly. Who would? She works for Phonies. They're a bunch of dirty liars. So I attempted to call their customer service line, and this time I got through. A fellow of African American heritage answered. I explained to him that I wanted to make sure that the cost of the phone was in dispute. He hemmed and hawed, telling me that he had no way of knowing that information, leading me to wonder what kind of computer system they are using that it doesn't allow customer service agents to actually see what's happening on a person's account. I also asked him if he could confirm that the phone arrived in the warehouse. That was also impossible. Since I was on a roll with the impossible requests, I figured I might as well tackle the old "I want a revised bill" request as well. This time I took a different tact, and asked him to read me everything on the bill. Misunderstanding my request, he informed me of my plan. I then asked him to read the actual charges on my bill, and he started reading the bill I already have. Then, he told me that I did have an amount on my account in dispute, AND he mentioned that my phone arrived back in the warehouse and was processed as a return. How this information just randomly popped up is beyond me. I attempted to question it, but decided to drop it. Instead, I chose to stick to getting a revised bill. He told me that he had no access to that information, but insisted that if I go into a store, they could pull a report for me.

In my frustration (and I forget exactly when during the conversation), I said something that I immediately regretted. What's that? Oh, nothing big. I just said something to the effect of "You people keep screwing me over." Yeah, so, when I used the phrase, "You people", I really was talking about the company; however, I immediately realized that that phrase may have sounded more like a racial slur...in which case, I wanted off the phone immediately.

Now, as you may recall, last time I went to the store, they told me that they couldn't give me any information about billing and directed me to the phone people. I knew it was a long-shot, but it was worth a try regardless. Wednesday morning rolled around, and I checked the website to see if my account was credited (just because I'm a dreamer). To my surprise, there was a zero balance. When I investigated further, I discovered that Phonies took the disputed amount out of my checking account. Now if you'll recall, five days earlier, I cancelled the direct payment function. What does that mean? They stole my f-ing money!

That night I was ready to rumble. I walked into a Phonies store and asked them for a revised bill. The girl behind the computer tappity-tapped away at the keyboard and pulled up my original bill. As she was doing this, the store manager was on his way out. I explained to her that I did not want that bill because I already had that bill. I wanted to know what the adjustments were. She stared at me blankly. For whatever reason, I gestured wildly as I explained a customer's right to information about their account. At this point, the manager returned (probably because my hands were flailing around in such a way that it may have appeared that I was on the verge of physical violence...and, in a very unsubtle attempt at using subliminal messages, I kept referring to Phonies as dirty liars under my breath in the middle of every sentence. The girl showed me the screen and told me that she didn't have access to any of my account information. My only response was, "So you're all a bunch of dirty liars. Fine. Thanks." I then walked out and said something to the effect of "F-ing dirty liars."

And that brings us to today. Tonight I called over to my friends at Phonies after logging onto my account just to find that it wouldn't display any information (making me once again suspect that they are purposely trying to keep information from me). A lovely woman in Charlotte, North Carolina answered. She spent a good 10 minutes reading the notes on my account. I can only imagine what it says about me, and, quite frankly, I'm shocked that they don't automatically send me to a supervisor. Once she finished reading about what a pain in the ass I am, I explained my dilemma about the money that was taken from my bank account without my permission, and she agreed that they shouldn't have done that. She, however, informed me that she couldn't help me. So I was transferred to the finance department.

Once I was connected to the finance department, they told me that they have no control over my billing information and had to transfer me back to the customer service department. Seeing that they were just trying to wear me down, I insisted that the poor girl, who answered the question "How are you?" with "extremely wonderful", listen to my tale of woe. She didn't help, but was certainly sympathetic. She also told me that I could get a check rather than a credit. Now that's progress!

I'm sure I'll call again in a couple of days. My new bill comes in a couple of days, so I'm anxious to see what dirty lies are on that one.

Stupid, dirty liars.

Heaven Needs to Lose an Angel

Well, friends, the Phonies saga continues.  Yesterday I received BOTH phones (the soon-to-be returned one and the new one from my new carrier, who will be referred to as "Heaven" henceforth).

Where to begin?  Let's see, both of the phones came to my door yesterday, and I started by calling Heaven to make sure the phone was activated and ask a couple of questions.  Things were going swimmingly.  My representative was really jazzed to talk to me.  He was "totally" able to help me with his "awesome" service.  We discussed his hopes and dreams of starting a film-related business.  Specifically, he wants to set up a store that sells used movies.  Now, I know what you're thinking...don't independent record stores already do that, and isn't the used DVD business what's been keeping them afloat for the past few years since CD sales are declining?  And if you want to buy used DVDs online, can't you just go through Amazon, Half.com, or any number of other websites?  Well, yes.  That's true, but his idea is "totally" innovative (mostly because he apparently lives in the middle of nowhere and only has access to Best Buy for DVDs...I'm just guessing here).  I chose not to burst his bubble.  He was just too darn nice and eager to help me.

He was my third EXCELLENT angel (which is how I will now refer to Heaven's little helpers/representatives).  All of my questions were getting answered.  He upgraded my service to my exact wishes.  I couldn't have asked for a better experience.  Then, I asked whether they had a discount program for employees of certain companies (because I recently learned from Phonies that my company DOES have discounts set up with wireless providers).  He was "totally" thrilled to help me.  Apparently, I DID qualify, but he was unable to sign me up.  So, he transferred me to someone else.

I honestly had such high hopes for this new angel, but it looks like 1 in 4 angels is the devil in disguise.  Here's how it all went down:

Me: Hi, I just opened up service with Heaven, and I was wondering if you have a discount for employees of -insert company name here-.
Bad Angel: Yes, we do.  Now where did you buy your phone?
Me: I got it from -insert 3rd party dealer here-.
BA: (pause) Bfff.  Uhh...Bfff. (Shouting in a very condescending tone.)  Why would you do that?
Me: Excuse me?
BA: Huh...You made a huge mistake there.  Why would you do that?  I would NEVER go to a 3rd party dealer.  I would NEVER direct anyone to a 3rd party dealer.  You just screwed yourself.
Me: I'm sorry.  What?
BA:  There's nothing I can do for you.  You can't get a discount.
Me: Umm...I'm a little confused here.  What are you talking about?
BA: You went to a 3rd party dealer which is the stupidest thing you could possibly do.  You can't do anything.  You basically gave up all of your rights and your access to anything good.  You should NEVER buy from anyone other than Heaven.  You really messed up.
Me: Yeah, still confused.  Why can't I get a discount?
BA: (Still yelling.  Still condescending.  Still sounding like a big, fat loser.) Because you went to a 3rd party dealer, which was a huge mistake.
Me: Okay.  I'm a little lost here.  Instead of reprimanding me for my apparently poor choices, could you just explain the process to me?
BA: Well there's nothing you can do.
Me: Right.  I got that.  Could you just run me through the process of how one might get a discount under normal circumstances?
BA: (Lets out an exasperated sigh.)  Okay.  So what you did was go to a 3rd party dealer which is something I would NEVER do.  I would NEVER direct anyone to a 3rd party dealer.
Me: Yeah.  I'm with you so far.  Can you move past that and answer my question?
BA: What you should have done, and I don't understand why you wouldn't have done this in the first place, is buy the phone from Heaven.
Me: Uh huh.  Still following.
BA: (Sighs again.) See.  Someone from your company makes a deal with Heaven, and we agree to it, and then the employees can get a discount.
Me: I understand that part, hence my talking to you in the first place.
BA: But because (and the yelling starts up again) you went to a 3rd party dealer, you lost your eligibility to get any of the promotional offers that we have.  You couldn't have avoided the activation fee (ed. which I did).  You could have taken advantage of our 1 year contract (ed. not that concerned).  You could have gotten whatever promotional rates we have (ed. which I did get a kick-ass plan that's better than any wireless plan I've ever had in the past).  But you can't get any of that.  You ruined your chances.
Me: Uh huh, yeah.  Still with you.  Why exactly?
BA: Because you are locked into a contract with that 3rd party dealer, and you can't change anything.  If you get the discount, then your service is taken out of their revenue stream, and they'll charge you $300 (ed. Actually, they'll charge me $250 if I try to do something fraudulent, but there was no sense in correcting this sweetheart of a man).  So now you can't get that 10% discount.
Me: (Thinking to self.)  10%?  That's it?  Phonies gave me 25%.  (Quickly calculating the savings on my calculator.)  Whatever.  The phone was free.  I'll forego the $7.50 discount.
BA: (Still yelling.) You should have gone to your company website and clicked on the Heaven link to handle the whole transaction (ed. By the way, there is no such thing on my company website).  You really messed up.  Why would you do that?  You should NEVER go to a 3rd party dealer.  NEVER.  You're going to be really sorry you did that.
Me: Honestly, I'm not that sorry.  I'm sorry that this news is so upsetting to you, though.
BA: There's nothing I can do for you.  You made a huge mistake.
Me: Okay.  Listen.  I've had the worst month of my life trying to deal with cell phone issues.  My last carrier, Phonies, treated me like a piece of shit.  I'm so excited to move over to Heaven, and everyone has been so nice and accomodating....
BA:  I understand that.  I'm sure you've been frustrated.  But you really messed up.
Me: Okay, stop.  I don't think you should take this tone with me.  I'm a new customer regardless of how I chose to purchase my phone and rate plan.  I understand that my hands are tied regarding this discount, but that doesn't really give you the right to be so rude to me.
BA: Well, ma'am.  There's nothing I can do.
Me: Yeah, I got that.  Could you answer another question for me?
BA: Ma'am, I can't answer any questions about your account.  You'll have to call customer service.
Me: Could you transfer me?  They transferred me over here.
BA: I can't do that.  I can just give you the number, and you'll have to call them yourself.
Me: Right.  Thanks.

So, what do you picture when you think of Bad Angel?  I picture a fat loser (not unlike the people that work for AT&T's DSL tech support) who was taunted in high school for being a geek and now takes his rage out on innocent customers that call for help, while hiding behind the anonymity of a phone line.

I really hope that conversation was actually recorded.  That dude needs to be taken down a notch or twelve.  Despite that unpleasant experience, I STILL prefer Heaven to Phonies.

In fact, after that call, I rang up Phonies for our daily chat.  This time I wanted to re-activate my pre-blackberry phone with my old number (that is dead to me for the next month and a half).  My representative didn't know what he was getting into with me.  I was totally prepared with all the serial numbers, and he was quite thrown.  We got it set up, and during that process, he felt it was a good time to ask me what was wrong with the old phone.  Again, he had no idea into what kind of murky waters he was treading.  I simply explained to him that I had trouble with two blackberries and was completely unsatisfied, so I had no choice but to return it.  And then he started in on a little sales pitch.  I immediately stopped him.  My mind is made up.  Luckily he didn't push the issue.

But, come on!  Shouldn't their screen start blinking with rage when I get on the phone?  I call them every day with a complaint...or request to get a revised bill that, for some unknown and asinine reason, is impossible for them to produce.  Shouldn't everyone in that company know by now that there's no saving this customer?  Honestly, I think I've travelled into "We're better off without her" territory.

Whatever.  Still waiting on the return label.  It better get here on Monday.  Time is not on my side, since Phonies is doing everything they can to suck up my 30 day grace period (including telling me everytime that I talk to them that my 30 days expired without even looking at my account).  Jerks.

It's a new day in Heaven though.  The phone actually works in my house.  That's a very exciting change.  Keep your fingers crossed that the blackberry setup is easy on Monday.

And that's the news.

The Neverending Story...

Guess what?  I still don't have a phone!  Yay!  It's really cramping my style.  I have to make full plans before leaving the house and trust that no one's running late.  It's totally awesome living like it's 1992.

So, the phone is somewhere.  I don't know where exactly, and no one seems to have any interest in helping me figure it out...or give me an ETA for that matter.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out a little, because I totally am.  What if it was sent to the wrong address?  I'm completely screwed if I don't get the phone back.  I need it.  I need it.  I need it.  I'm returning the stupid thing to Phonies, and I can't return an empty box.

I've also signed up with a new carrier, so the new phone is on its way as well.  Maybe I'll get that sooner than the other one.  Who knows!

Oh, and I worked out a deal with Phonies, so I don't have to pay the cancellation fee...but I do have wait a month and a half to move my current number to the new carrier.  So does everyone know what that means?  I'll tell you.  Don't call me.  More importantly, don't text me.  I basically have no minutes on the phone number, so don't mess with me just to be funny. I will serve you with a bill for any errant text messages.  I mean business.

Was that scary enough?

Good.  No texting.

I can't wait to see how this story unfolds tomorrow (or later today should the Phonies phone arrive....you know, like it was supposed to a few days ago.  Didn't IT Guy tell me he was sending it on Friday to arrive on Friday (which is impossible, but still you'd think I would have received it by now)).

And that's all.  I'm out.  I got nothing.  I'm boring today.  Or maybe I do have something, and I'm just holding back.  Whatever the case, I need to do my laundry.

My Favorite Blog

Just a quick tip.  My favorite blog is www.jennsylvania.com

Her blog also appears on her MySpace page.  I've read both of her books, and I love them.  Her next book comes out this spring, and I plan to meet her at her book signing in a couple months.  Yay!

She's my hero.

I just thought I'd give you some more options, should I not be an avid blogger on any given day.

 

Oh, and I'd also like to update everyone on the status of my Phonies Throwdown Training.  While I was driving over the bridge, I role-played that I was on the phone with Phonies trying to cancel my service.  I made all of my demands very clear.  There was quite a bit of screaming involved.  I'm going to be ready on Monday when I finally get out of this cult.  I'll be fully deprogrammed.  Mark my words!

Stay tuned...

For The Record...

I'm totally fed up.  After Howard blabbed my secret password to the world, I went to Phonies website to change it, and I discovered that my bill was...exorbitant!  Upon looking at the actual charges, I discovered that not only did they over-charge me for the phone, they also charged me for all the "freebies" they promised.

Outraged, I called their customer service line (for the second time in a day), took my rage out on the voice-activated operator and sat on the phone with four different people trying to get it sorted.  The first girl was nice enough, but she told me that she wasn't going to be able to give me the price that I was promised because she talked to her supervisor.  I then told her I wanted to talk to her supervisor.  That woman immediately tried to "de-escalate" the situation, which only irritated me more.  I know what they're doing when they act as though they understand and are sincerely sorry.  She still wasn't going to honor the price I was quoted when I purchased the phone and insisted that she didn't think I was lying (as I may have announced to her that I am NOT a liar).  That conversation ended when I told her I wanted to return the phone and cancel the service.

While on hold, I started to panic a little because my phone isn't with me.  IT guy has it tucked away in his desk drawer.  I hadn't planned beyond this moment, so I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do.  Part of me wanted to chicken out, but the other part just wanted to say "F- it!"

Then, smooth-talking Tyrell got on the phone.  I told him I wanted to send back my phone, and he took my account information.  Then, he said, "While I wait for this to load up, I just want to take this time to say Happy Valentine's Day."  I laughed.  Who wouldn't? It was funny.  I also held back on making some smart-ass remark about living in the sewer and only coming to the surface under cover of darkness.  I didn't want to give him any material to woo me.  I was on a gd mission.  Our love affair was brief.  Once my account was up on his computer, I went through my spiel, and he connected me to someone else.

A fast talking spitfire from New Jersey was now on the line.  She asked me what was wrong, and all I could do was laugh.  Seriously?  They don't know by now?  I told her my beef.  She attempted to relate to me and tried to calm me down.  She gave me the price I wanted on the phone (But I'm still not convinced.  They won't give me a revised bill, so I can see that all the erroneous charges were cancelled.  Also, the amount doesn't add up to what I think it should be).  She related to me on the blackberry connectivity woes, and attempted to give me advice on what to do.  Much like Howard, she seemed to think my IT guy didn't know what he was doing.  Little do they know that IT Guy's ONLY job is to set up blackberry service.  He does this 5 days a week for a multi-national corporation.  I think he has it under control.

Since I didn't have the blackberry in hand, I decided to let the cancellation drop (for now), and started nitpicking on the bill.  Fast-talker and I sparred for awhile to the point that I asked her if we suddenly found ourselves in a marriage.  We were arguing like an old married couple.  Oh, we laughed.  Finally, I got her to see my point of view...and then my f-ing work phone went silent (It's an IP phone, so every now and then it just stops working for no reason in particular.  I've noticed that it goes silent every day in the 3 o'clock hour).  Needless to say, she hung up.

I was PISSED.  PISSED!

Knowing that there was nothing I could do (and that I was totally phone-less at this point), I left the house and told my story of woe to my most avid readers.  And now I'm writing it (in much shorter detail).

IT Guy said he was sending back the blackberry today, so I'd get it today.  But, I think I'll get it on Monday (unless he opted for Saturday delivery).  Come Monday, I'm raising all hell with Phonies.  I'm getting out of the contract.  I'm not married to these bastards.  Ten years, schmen years.  Who f-ing cares!

I'm not backing down.  I've been coached.  No backing down!  I'm not a satisfied customer.  I want out, and I'm not paying their bogus cancellation fee.  I've paid them enough coin in my time.

Blech.

Techie Troubles

This nightmare is NEVER GOING TO END.  EVER!

My phone is on holiday in the city that doesn't sleep.  It's having a great time!  I'm starting to feel a little lonely without it.  Kind of.  On the one hand, I don't really care, but on the other hand...well, I still don't really care.  It's just strange being without a phone.  Nobody calls me, so it's not as though I'm missing out on anything really.

Anyway, let me tell you about today's chapter in the Blackberry that Won't Cooperate.

IT Guy called me today, and told me we needed to call Phonies customer service.  Luckily I just learned how to conference people two days ago, so I was on it!  The short story is that we were on the phone with Phonies for a half an hour and still didn't get a resolution.  The true point (and the funny part) of the story is that the Phonies customer service guy was an oddball.

I dialed Phonies and worked my way through the computer answering system, then we were put on hold for 15 minutes.  After jamming out to the smooth jazz that Phonies offers its holding customers, my guy, Howard (honestly, I don't remember his name, so we'll just go with this), answered the phone.  I didn't immediately tell him that IT guy was on the phone as well, mostly because he didn't give me a chance.  He discovered it when IT guy and I started chatting about something.  Howard interrupted us and told me that maybe I should call back once I have it figured it out.  Knowing that was a bad idea, I said no.  Here's how it all went down.

Howard: (semi-whispering) Okay, you may want to call me back or mute IT Guy because I need your password.
IT: I'll walk away from the phone.
H: Is this okay with you?
Me: (knowing that I can change my password easily enough) Yeah, that's fine.
H: (still whispering) Whenever you're ready
Me: 123456
H: (in his normal voice) Okay, that's 123456. (Inputting information.) 1-2-3-4-5-6.  Sounds like a birthday.  Is that a birthday?
Me: Uhhhh...
H: Is that your mother's birthday?
Me: No
H: Whose birthday is it?
Me: Uhhh...
H: Wow...it's yours.  Are you 50?
Me: It's not my birthday.
H: I know, I'm kidding.

Okay....what the hell?  At first, Howard seemed very concerned about my privacy.  He was so concerned that he whispered his concerns to me while on a speaker phone.  Then, he proceeds to loudly repeat my secret password TWICE.  But did he stop there?  No!  He then started quizzing me on what the number represents.

What an idiot!

I'm totally changing my password now.  It wasn't that good to begin with (and, for the record, it isn't my mom's or my birthday).

That's just one more thing to check on today.  The other thing is making sure that the thief who stole my doctor's cashbox doesn't start using my Healthcare credit card number for their doctor visits (which seems unlikely, but still!).

Stupid Phonies.

At the end of the phone call, Howard started talking shop with IT Guy (who totally wasn't having it).  He slowly ended the call, then hung around for a bit.  Thinking he was hanging up, IT Guy and I started chatting, then Howard jumped in and said, "Guys, I'm going to have to get off of this call now.  I can't chat anymore."  He hung up, then IT Guy said, "What was up with that guy?"

My thoughts exactly.

Again.  Stupid Phonies.

Is That Creepy? A Poll.

As you know, my cell phone is on a fabulous 3-day vacation to exciting NEW YORK CITY!  I don't know what kind of plans it made for its whirlwind adventure, but I'm sure it will take in a Broadway show and enjoy the nightlife that Manhattan has to offer.  My blackberry likes to get down if you know what I mean.

As you may or may not know, I like to bake (cookies in case you thought I was referring to a lifestyle choice other than that of "crazy cat lady" (sans cats) which may soon be a reality for me--and speaking of cats, I've been sneezing all day long and discovered it's because I'm wearing a hoodie with cat hair on it...argh!).  I also like to win people over with sweets.  So, it seemed only natural that I might make a batch of cookies to thank IT guy for dealing with pesky little ol' me.  Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to bake (and the mood didn't really strike me), so I ended up buying some candy for a dollar (do I need to make a crack about being a cheapskate?  No?  That obvious, huh?).

Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day (and my phone will arrive at IT guy's desk tomorrow as well), I went with a box of chocolates with a silly picture of daffy duck and the space alien from Looney Tunes (okay fine, you dragged it out of me...it was a heart-shaped box).  And that led me to wonder, is that creepy?

I did write a note telling him that I sent the candy as a little thank you (and left out the bit that it was also incentive for him to help me out because I figured that was implied).  On the whole, I don't think sending treats is creepy (though maybe I've been fooling myself all these years), but the fact that it is Valentine's candy on Valentine's Day makes me wonder.

So, I'm putting it out there.  Creepy?  Yes?  No?

1-800-MNKY-LUV Is Closed For Business

This is a public service announcement to let everyone know that my cell phone is in a box on its way to New York.  For that reason, I ask that you not call me until further notice.  If you try to call me, you'll just end up talking to my IT guy, and I don't think any of us want that.  Also, don't call 1-800-MNKY-LUV.  I just made that up,  If you do so, it's at your own risk.  Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a creepy phone sex number.  Your call might be similar to the one I made several years ago when someone (read: me) typed up a form and switched two of the numbers on the listing for customer service.  And, well, one day I needed some customer service (from the very company for whom I work, which is NOT, to the best of my knowledge, a phone sex hotline), so I dialed it and was shocked and horrified to be greeted by some sultry, yet still unattractive-sounding woman explaining the rates for her luscious services.  Horrified, I called my boss and had her try the number.  That's when I discovered that *I* was the one that mistyped the number, and I quickly let the matter drop...and revised the form.

So the blackberry is STILL the bane of my existence (apropos of nothing, if you misspell "bane", "bain", you are making some reference to bathing--thank you dictionary.com).  I can't get the stupid thing to work.  Today, I talked to Phonies, and they had me take my SIM card out (which made me sad, even though I don't really know its purpose beyond enabling me to use the phone overseas which I may never do...but I COULD), and it still didn't work.  I then wandered down to a neighborhood with better reception and ate a hamburger (that, at first, seemed small until I realized it was the size a hamburger SHOULD be) while attempting to connect to my company server.  After two attempts IT guy told me to send it to him.  Feeling I had no good argument against it, I relented.  If he can't get it to work, I'm sending everything back to Phonies (and I mean everything.  I've got some spring cleaning to do (which I did start the other day, and, for the record, my house sparkles), so they may end up with a couple boxes of rubber bands that are just taking up space next to the bag of receipts I need to shred).

Oh, and speaking of Phonies, I'm terrified of my bill.  I have no idea what it's going to say.  I'm not made out of money, people.  If I don't watch it, I'll start having night terrors about getting a million dollar cell phone bill that will replace the odd dreams I've been having about living in a mansion without access to the outside world (hmmm...I actually think I know where that dream originates...yikes.  I gotta get out more...and a working blackberry will only help that situation).

So, to sum up.  Don't call or text me, and if you do...don't do anything that I'll regret.

Signed,

MNKY-LUV 1

And I'm Disappointed, Why?

Uhhh....so yesterday I noticed that my snazzy new cell phone (with far more features than I've ever wanted or needed on a phone) does not have a camera, and I was actually disappointed.  For most people, this may seem obvious, but when you consider that I only started text-messaging less than 2 years ago (after my friends shamed me) and have NEVER had a camera phone, it seems a little odd.  Why do I suddenly care?  Why do I get sucked into uber-consumerism so easily?

I'm totally sticking with my 13-inch TV/VCR combo until it catches on fire like the rest of my appliances.  I don't want the headache of technology-envy to enter my life.

Oh, and for the record, I ran 8 miles this morning (okay, so it might have been 6-7, but still...I went far).  Woo!

Did I Mention That I'm Available?

Alright, gentlemen, start lining up to the right, 'cuz I'm AVAILABLE!

Today was a shining example of what kind of sweet catch I truly am.  It all started when I called my friendly IT guy to set up my blackberry with the company network.  After wrestling (or wrastlin', as we like to say in my homeland) with Phonies, I was feeling pretty confident about the final phase of my set-up.  What could possibly go wrong?  If you're thinking "everything", then you are close to right.  I think I may be a cell phone foster parent because I may be sending this puppy back to the shelter for adoption.

So, IT guy and I chatted (and I definitely need to bake him some cookies now), and we started the set-up process.  Of course, being in my house there is no signal (as previously discussed), so I had to wander outside (which is now where I will hold all of my important phone conversations,so for anyone that might want to call me, be aware that the world is my stage--also be aware that I may be sending my phone to IT guy, so he'll be answering my phone for a few days).  I walked about five blocks away until I found a full signal, then I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, facing the sun for 45 minutes.  I held my phone an arm's length away from me (because if it got closer, the signal was lost).  IT guy and I tried to make it work, but alas, it didn't.  The whole time I stood there, people passed me giving me odd looks.  I also noticed someone staring at me from their window.  They probably thought I was casing the joint.  Little do they know, I'm just an idiot with a piece of technology that I'll never fully master.

After an uncomfortably warm 45 minutes (because I was wearing a wool sweater and it was 65 degrees outside), I was starving.  Standing in one place with your arm outstretched is hard work.  Did I mention I was halfway up a hill?  Yeah.  Because my belly was doing the talking, I went to the first available restaurant (luckily it was located one storefront ahead of the terrible taqueria, otherwise we all know what would have happened--nothing but regret).

My hostess seated me outside at a table that was next to the window.  A group of people were sitting inside the restaurant on the other side of the window.  If the window weren't there, I'd be dining with them.  Knowing that we were far too close for comfort, I felt the pressure to be on my best behavior.  That means no excessive nose-blowing.

Everything was going smoothly in the beginning.  I selected my meal, I read the paper, I didn't clean out my ears.  I was an upstanding citizen.  Hell, I'd want to dine with me.  Then, my iced tea came.  What could go wrong with that?  Well, let me tell you.  The waiter (who is a delightful bear that loves to call me sweetie and always seems genuinely pleased to see me) put an enormous lemon slice in my tea that was conveniently cut down the middle for my squeezing pleasure.  Unfortunately, it was almost completely sliced, so when I squeezed it, half of it flew out of my hand and hit the window.  Had the window not been there, it would have hit the guy sitting caddy-cornered across from me in the face.  Nice.

I laughed that one off, and as far as I could tell, the window diners (who appeared to be having a business meeting) didn't notice (despite the fact that one of them barely escaped peril).  Still confident that I could pull off civilized, I continued reading the paper until my sandwich arrived.  Being famished, I knew I risked shoving too much in my mouth all at once.  Some people don't outgrow bad behavior, okay?  I really did my best to be a lady, but the universe was not on my side today (which says to me that I missed my window of opportunity to buy a lottery ticket).

I bit into my sandwich, and discovered that I'd gotten some gross gristle/bony/hard piece in my mouth, and I had no choice but to spit it out.  And here's where it gets complicated.  Had I been banished to a corner, where most restaurants like to seat solo diners, I could have gotten away with it.  But being that I was inches away from a business meeting that I couldn't hear, I was in a bind.  I tried to politely put my napkin to my mouth and spit it out.  Unfortunately, there is no graceful way to make that exit.  I did the best I could, but I know it was gross.  I also tried to discard the evidence by shoving the napkin under my plate, but as I looked up, I noticed that everyone on the other side of the table was looking at me.  CAUGHT!

I can't take myself anywhere!  No wonder I go to the terrible taqueria all the time.  They don't care, especially when I order take-out.

So that's the story.  Who wants to have dinner?

That's How I Roll...

In case you were hoping to get a little insight into how I live, here's a nice example.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of my morning on the phone with Phonies, trying to get my blackberry set-up.  I won't bore you with the details (as I already did that last week), so just know that it was a long and tedious process.  I think I may have too much phone, and I'm definitely too old to know how to use it.

As I was saying, my morning went a little bit like this.  I woke up, ate some breakfast, turned on the computer, did a little work,  and waited for my Phonie rep to call.  He never called, so I gave him an hour and called them myself.  Then I sat on the phone with three different people for over two hours.  On my final call, the customer service lady, who was a delightful woman from Kentucky, wanted to make sure I had internet access.  Unfortunately for me, my house is a vacuum of bad signals.  I had her on speaker phone and let her know that I was walking to the other side of the apartment (which is a palatial studio), at which point we commenced yelling to each other (that was actually kind of funny). 

Then, she told me I should just go outside.  To most this might be a reasonable request. For me, it struck fear in my heart.  Why?  Because I was still wearing my pajamas--and yes, it was noon.  Not sure what to do, I told her I'd be a minute.  So, I ran into the closet otherwise known as my bedroom (literally) and threw on some clothes.  I then yelled out to her that I was going outside.  I ran outside, checked the web, and came back in.  I told her it was a success, and she said, "Great.  You're set."

I had her sitting on the phone waiting for me for more than 5 minutes while I got dressed and ran outside.  Did she wonder what I was doing?  I certainly couldn't tell her that I was still in my pajamas.  That's just embarrassing (even though all the delivery people know what kind of lazy slob I am).

Oh well.  Once I was dressed, I suddenly felt like being productive, so I brushed my teeth.

And that's how I live.

Hey boys! I'm available!

Cell Phone Throwdown

Today was the big day!  I threw down with my cell phone company.  I've been working up to this for weeks now--gettin' all mad, losing sleep, punching pillows.  When it comes to billing disputes, I train like Mike Tyson.  That's right, I got a tattoo on my face, and I ate an ear....of corn.

You may recall my tale of the blackberry that scares me?  Well, it's caused me nothing but grief since I purchased it.  Oh yes, the Blackberry Pearl is cute.  It's all red and snazzy, but the usability is pathetic.  I just despise the thing.  And, to top it off, I can't do what I need to do with it in the first place.  Oh, and, I hate the plan I'm on now.  It's all terrible.

Here's the story.  I needed a blackberry (well, as much as anybody needs yet another device that makes them appear cool, yet feel like a total idiot), so I went looking for one.  My cell phone contract isn't up for another 3 months, so I had a quandary on my hands.  Stick with my current provider (that isn't really supported by my company), or go to someone else and wait out the rest of my current contract.

One day, I wandered into the cell phone store of my current provider (we'll call them "Phonies") wanting nothing more than to see what they offered.  The salesperson (who will be known as PP for Phone Pusher) was very helpful.  It may have been the best experience I've ever had with Phonies, and I've been a customer for almost 10 years (hot damn that makes me feel old).  Since my phone wasn't up for an upgrade for another 2 weeks, I figured I'd just wait (since I certainly didn't want to pay retail for a new phone). 

Then, PP told me that I could walk out with a new phone today AND get 550 minutes.  My ears unwillingly perked up.  We wandered over to the phones, and I fell for the Red Pearl (it's really cute).  She made some magic happen on the computer and told me I had to keep my old phone for 3 days, then come back and get the number applied to the blackberry.  I was a little confused about the whole keeping the old phone part of the deal, but she didn't offer up much of an explanation.  She told me that I would keep the other phone as a back-up, which still didn't make sense, but I just went with it.  Also, when PP brought out my new beauty of a phone, she grabbed a memory card for me because she knew I'd want it.  I didn't, but I was so confused and thankful for her "helpfulness" that I just agreed to it.  I'm such a sucker!  She signed me up for the voice service and blackberry service (about which I asked if it had the Data Enterprise Server, and she said yes).

Then, I was on my way.  And that's when I realized that I may have been duped.  I let it sit for a couple of days, you know, so the pus-filled wound that is my poor-buying decision ability could fester.  Once I was out of the store, I found the phone very difficult to use because, even though PP showed me how easy it was to type...it wasn't.  That stupid phone kept trying to make me type other things.  Then, I started really questioning the blackberry plan since she offered no explanation as to what it included.  At that point, I chose to do a little internet research where I discovered that I was now on a family plan.  That's right, lonely old me now has 2 cell phone numbers.  There is no reason for that!  I started seething over it and actually sat up at nights getting irritated (because I'm that person).

After waiting the three days to get the numbers switched, I went back to Phonies.  Unfortunately for me, PP called in sick that day.  I explained to my "host" that I needed to talk to someone about my plan because I wasn't happy with it and needed some explanations.  All the random sales guys then piped in telling me that there was nothing I could do after 30 days.  Now, I made it pretty clear that I had purchased the phone a mere 6 days prior, so their hemming and hawing over the 30-day money-back guarantee was unnecessary.  Then, they started chiming in about changing numbers that are from other carriers (again, not the issue). 

I walked away and waited for someone to help me.  Minutes later, a salesperson (this one will go by BS for "Witch w/a B" Salesperson) called my name.  I explained my frustration to BS, and she started by telling me that there was nothing I could do.  Excellent start.  I told her that since I am only one person, I see no need to be on a family plan (except to destroy my sense of self-worth).  BS told me that I couldn't change the plans.  I suggested that I just return the blackberry and go back to my old plan with my current phone.  She told me that would be a tedious process for her and told me that my old plan was now void.  So, I am stuck with the old phone for another 2 years.  She did mention that in another week, I could upgrade the old phone.  I suggested that I return the blackberry at that point, and then upgrade the old phone.  She didn't like that idea because it would create too much of a hassle for her (as if me having 2 phones and a ridiculous plan that is costing me way too much isn't a hassle for me).  BS insisted that it was a good idea to have two phones because anyone with just one phone is running a big risk.  Seeing that we were clearly at an impasse, I chose to just walk out.  I figured I'd just come back in a week and see what happens.

After that incident, Phonies Phone Sales started calling me trying to get me to upgrade my old phone and get a family plan.  You know, the same plan I'm already on, but don't want.  They really need to learn to communicate in that company.  They are as bad as the gym when the call me every day for three weeks after I've re-upped my membership telling me that I shouldn't let it expire.  It really makes me wonder if it's just some sort of trick, so I pay them AGAIN without realizing the error.

So, last week, I contacted my friendly IT Department and made a new friend.  I may have to bake him cookies since he was forced to sit on the phone with me for countless minutes as we discovered that my blackberry plan did NOT have the Enterprise Server.  Those Phonie Liars!  That was on Friday, and I began preparing for the Cell Phone Throwdown.  Originally, I scheduled the throwdown for Saturday afternoon, but I decided to wait until Monday (because I was too pooped from my bike ride, and because I thought I might need to demand a manager).

So, today, I was ready.  I had a huge speech prepared, and I was ready to fight.  I may be a terribly gullible sucker and am easy to sway when it comes to ridiculous purchases, but I'm also an expert at returning things.  You can cross me all you want, but don't think I'm keeping whatever useless thing you sold me.  I have my ways!

I marched on into Phonies, which was totally hoppin', and I told the "host" that I wanted to return my phone and cancel my plan.  He signed me onto the waiting list and told me, "Hmm...I'll be honest with you.  The wait is about 20 minutes.  You might just come back later."  Ha!  I wasn't falling for that trick.  They have no idea how good I am at standing around doing nothing.  So I waited, and finally my name was called.  It was go time!  I walked up to my salesperson who was busy texting someone on his phone and didn't bother to look up when I said hello.  I told him I wanted to return my phone, and he mumbled something (because he's a mumbler).  Then, he just let me return it (never stopping his texting throughout the transaction).  I didn't have to go into my big explanation.  I felt a bit deflated, but glad all the same.  While I was returning the phone, PP walked in from her break.  I have to admit that two weeks ago I felt a little guilty about wanting to return the phone because she was just so very nice, but today, I could see that she was just a very persuasive weasel.

The next step was to call Phonies and cancel the service.  Things were going very smoothly, until my customer service rep (who we will call DP for Diligent Persuader), noticed that I have been a customer for almost 10 years and didn't want to lose me.  He started offering me all sorts of things, including the Pearl to which I exclaimed "I hate that phone".  Based on his response, I don't think I'm the only one.  I explained the work email problem, and he figured out what plan carried that.  Then, he started offering me all kinds of deals.  And, well, I ended up buying a different blackberry (which wasn't part of the new plan) and getting a pretty sweet deal on the services.  So, I'm sticking with Phonies.  Should everything go awry once my new blackberry arrives, I'm totally returning it and going back to my other plan. 

So, I'm still a sucker, and I'm still leery of the new phone and services.  I won't know until I get it...but I do have 30 days to decide whether or not it's working for me.  So, I guess that's something.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get to throw down at the store.  I was totally prepared because nothing makes my blood boil faster than anything remotely suspect in the realm of phones, banking, or healthcare.

Next time.

I Just Left the Dark Ages Behind

But not without kicking and screaming.

So, I just upgraded my phone to (drum roll please) a blackberry.  Oh, that's right.  This girl who always has a phone 5 generations behind whatever phone is new and hip, suddenly cut in line.  I've only had texting capabilities for less than 2 years, and I've never had a camera phone.  I don't know what to do with myself!  To be completely honest, I'm a little afraid of the new phone.  I mean, it's cute and all.  I like to look at it and push the buttons, but I'm afraid I'll click onto something and *BAMMO* get charged $100.  Some might think I'm being a little melodramatic, but you don't know my world.  This kind of thing happens to me all the time (though, lately, I've been quite lucky.  Just yesterday, I had a hankering for potstickers after watching America's Test Kitchen, and a half an hour before I was going to head out and get some...my friend called to invite me over to eat...potstickers.  Crazy, no?).

I am the customer that no one wants to deal with.  I usually start out nice, but, more often than not, the call ends with me in tears, screaming about how unfair everything is (and I may throw in unfair things that are completely unrelated to the problem at hand).  Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating (or am I?).  My point is that anytime I have something that costs me money (and has the potential to secretly cost me money), I get a little nervous.  That, and the purchase of the phone (while possibly the best cell phone buying experience I've had) was a little sketchy...and somehow, I have a family plan.  So, for reasons unknown to single ol' me, I now have 2 phones available for my usage.  And what single person really needs 2 phones?  It's just confusing...not to mention being totally unnecessary.  My salesperson seemed to think it was a great idea.  So, I guess I have to correct that, but I can't do that for a couple of days.  And while I'm correcting that, I need to figure out exactly what data plan she sold me because I have a sinking suspicion that I was eagerly suckered (and everyone knows this wouldn't be the first time).

So, I guess that's my story.  I have a fancy new phone, and I'm terrified of it because, in some small way, I am a bit of a luddite.