1-800-MNKY-LUV Is Closed For Business

This is a public service announcement to let everyone know that my cell phone is in a box on its way to New York.  For that reason, I ask that you not call me until further notice.  If you try to call me, you'll just end up talking to my IT guy, and I don't think any of us want that.  Also, don't call 1-800-MNKY-LUV.  I just made that up,  If you do so, it's at your own risk.  Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a creepy phone sex number.  Your call might be similar to the one I made several years ago when someone (read: me) typed up a form and switched two of the numbers on the listing for customer service.  And, well, one day I needed some customer service (from the very company for whom I work, which is NOT, to the best of my knowledge, a phone sex hotline), so I dialed it and was shocked and horrified to be greeted by some sultry, yet still unattractive-sounding woman explaining the rates for her luscious services.  Horrified, I called my boss and had her try the number.  That's when I discovered that *I* was the one that mistyped the number, and I quickly let the matter drop...and revised the form.

So the blackberry is STILL the bane of my existence (apropos of nothing, if you misspell "bane", "bain", you are making some reference to bathing--thank you dictionary.com).  I can't get the stupid thing to work.  Today, I talked to Phonies, and they had me take my SIM card out (which made me sad, even though I don't really know its purpose beyond enabling me to use the phone overseas which I may never do...but I COULD), and it still didn't work.  I then wandered down to a neighborhood with better reception and ate a hamburger (that, at first, seemed small until I realized it was the size a hamburger SHOULD be) while attempting to connect to my company server.  After two attempts IT guy told me to send it to him.  Feeling I had no good argument against it, I relented.  If he can't get it to work, I'm sending everything back to Phonies (and I mean everything.  I've got some spring cleaning to do (which I did start the other day, and, for the record, my house sparkles), so they may end up with a couple boxes of rubber bands that are just taking up space next to the bag of receipts I need to shred).

Oh, and speaking of Phonies, I'm terrified of my bill.  I have no idea what it's going to say.  I'm not made out of money, people.  If I don't watch it, I'll start having night terrors about getting a million dollar cell phone bill that will replace the odd dreams I've been having about living in a mansion without access to the outside world (hmmm...I actually think I know where that dream originates...yikes.  I gotta get out more...and a working blackberry will only help that situation).

So, to sum up.  Don't call or text me, and if you do...don't do anything that I'll regret.

Signed,

MNKY-LUV 1