Kids Today: Mumblers

What's up with the mumbling?  I'll preface this by saying that I do realize there may be some socio-economic factors involved with mumbling.  However, doesn't anyone tell these kids that they could go much further in life through effective (read: understandable) communication?

Talking to a mumbler is like talking to Lassie.  What's that, girl?  Timmy's in trouble?  He fell in the river?  Let's go!

Today I was at the phone store, and my salesperson was a mumbler.  Not only that, he was texting throughout our entire transaction.  Don't get me wrong, he was a nice kid, but he could use a little customer service training.  Eye contact and clear speech goes a long way.  I have no idea what he said to me when I walked up and asked a question.  After translating it in my head, I managed to decipher that he told me I needed to call customer service.  But still, I shouldn't have to do that.  Also, even though I appreciate the fact that he just accepted my request to return my phone without putting up a fight, he would do better if he actually "sold" things.  I'm a salesperson, and I'm admittedly not pushy, but I get the job done.  I really worry about the mumblers.

The other recent mumbler was outside of Safeway.  Last December, I was running errands, feeling especially generous with my spare change, and these kids approached me about some sort of donation.  Now, I know that it was likely a scam.  But, I was in a generous mood, and I've been known to spend $2 on useless items (like the unsatisfying cookies at Starbucks).  So, even if they were going to spend my $2 on candy (because I'm going to assume they were fine, upstanding citizens), it wasn't a big loss for me.

On my way out of the store, I stopped to hear their spiel, and I was approached by....a mumbler.  Here's how it went:

Me: Hi, what are you guys raising money for?

Mumbler: mmmrrrrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmm

Me: Uhhh...so you're on the YMCA team?

Mumbler: mmmhhhhmmmmrrrmmm

Me: And you are raising money for uniforms, so you can compete in the regional tournament?

Mumbler: (silence)

Me: Okay, here's all I've got.  $2.

Mumbler: (looking upset while pocketing the cash)

Me: (pushing for a thank you) It's all I've got, but it's better than nothing.  Um, don't I need to sign off on your collection sheet, so you can keep track of the donations?

Mumbler: mmmmmrrrmmmm

And scene.

I really felt for the kid, regardless of the fact that he was probably scamming me.  How is he going to get anywhere in life if he mumbles?  Hasn't anyone tried to help him enunciate?  As a salesperson, I want to help people like this. 

Another instance occurred in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  I was getting out of my car, when a fellow selling bootlegged DVDs out of a shopping basket, called after me:

Fella: Ma'am, you don't need no DVDs, do ya?

Me: You're right.  I don't.

Class, how could you improve upon his sales pitch?  Perhaps he should have asked me if I wanted some DVDs?  In actuality, he just reminded me that I don't need any DVDs (nor did I need any of the other things that were being sold in the parking lot).  I feel like someone needs to offer some sort of guidance to the mumblers and bad salespeople (even if they are doing something less than legal).

I get more concerned for the future every day.

*sigh*

Kids Today...

They just can't spell. I don't know what's going on in our educational system, but something is terribly awry. Is text-messaging making future generations terrible spellers with no regard for good grammar? Seriously! I'm not going to claim to be perfect, but I have a solid appreciation for my native language. When I write emails I actually think out the punctuation. To this day, I believe that I was robbed of my spot in the school-wide spelling bee in the 3rd grade. For that matter, the only thing that made me cool in the 4th grade was my ability to spell. We moved to a snobby suburb, and I had a terrible time making friends. My only saving grace was the fact that I could beat the reigning spelling champion, Tommy, in the weekly spelling bee. So, naturally, the team captains all wanted me on their team because prior to my arrival on the scene, no one could beat Tommy. If I can do one thing, it's spell. (In fact, I wouldn't mind competing in an adult spelling bee, so if you know of any, let me know.) The first time I prevailed was on the word, "Doughnut". Tommy and I went through a series of tie-breakers, and neither of us was going to back down. Then, Mrs. Twining gave Tommy the word. We were standing on opposite sides of the room, and I knew deep in my soul that Tommy was going to think of the "Daylight Donuts" sign. Sure enough, he did. I knew I had it. The class was shocked and horrified when the untouchable spelling champion failed to deliver. They were equally elated when I won. I believe (and this could just be my memory playing tricks on me) that there were some cheers. That may have been my most popular moment in school. How I lived for the Friday spelling bee! Any other day involved Susan and her bully friends stealing gum from my purse and referring to me as "gross". That, or having a popular boy ask me if I wanted to "go out", just to have all of his friends jump from around the corner and taunt me saying, "NERD. Nobody would want to go out with you." 

Yeah, my youth was nothing short of awesome, but that's not the point of this. I want to address the misuse of the words, me, myself, and I. People are ALWAYS confusing "me" and "I", as well as throwing "myself" around like a bag of rice on someone's wedding day. I believe that the "me" and "I" confusion stems from fear. Remember as a kid when you used "me" all the time, and your mom would correct you, prompting you to use "I" instead? Was that just me? I don't think so. Kids ALWAYS use "me" over "I". On the whole, "I" is usually the correct choice. However, "me" should be used as the object of sentence. 

EXAMPLE: If you have questions, call Johnny or me.

My example is correct; however, I'm constantly getting emails that say "call Johnny or I". That just makes you look dumb. You wouldn't say "Call I". That doesn't make sense at all. However, when you add someone else to the mix, people freak out and throw in an "I". It's so simple to check your grammar, so there's no reason to let this sort of thing slide.

My example goes terribly awry when people inexplicably use "myself" instead of "me". I've noticed this more in the last five years, and it drives me batty. Using the word, "myself" does not make you sound smarter. When used incorrectly, it is just plain annoying. There are very few instances when you actually get to use the word, "myself" (and perhaps people like the word and want the opportunity to use it more frequently, but I'm here to tell you that when you use it incorrectly, you just sound like a fraud). The word "myself" can only be used when you are referring back to yourself (see how "you" and "yourself" go together?). Let's go back to my example: "If you have any questions, call Johnny or me." If you insert "myself" (which far too many people do), the sentence structure is blown to hell. Don't do it. If you want to use the word, "myself" more often, then I recommend saying more of the following:

"I'm going to battle the dragon myself."

"I fed the penguins all by myself"

See how it works? Grammar is good for everyone. Use it wisely.

And if you want to join the grammar club, go to this website: http://spogg.org

I don't know why I went off on this tangent, but I did. I declare war on poorly-written emails masquerading as intelligent missives!

And yes, I know I make mistakes too. I'm not perfect either.