Banner Day!

Consider yourselves lucky!  The muse just gave me a solid kick in the behind--THREE blog posts in ONE day!  Speaking of my behind, I was walking down the street, checking out my reflection in the windows (which is something I do regularly because I'm obsessed with my own image even though I'm usually dissatisfied with what I see), and I noticed that my ass is looking A-OK today.  I attribute this newly found "nice ass" to the whopping 3 days I worked out this month.  Maybe there is something to not-so-regular-but-well-intentioned exercise.  Now, I know that writing this is just asking for trouble, and I promise you that I will not turn into my former roommate.  I will not take hundreds of pictures of my own backside and hang them up around the house as "art", nor will I make a plaster cast of my posterior (along with 30 other people's derrieres) that will be used to make silicone butt blobs that I will stack or hang around different art galleries (or my living room).  I also will not use a Christmas card holder/wall decoration as a year-round condom dispenser next to my couch.  I just wanted to note that I think I may be doing my body a little good.  If only my middle would whittle a little, I'd be in business.

What won't help me do my body good is my insistence on visiting the bakery.  Yesterday I really wanted a "most-est" cupcake from my local bakery.  This little piece of heaven is modeled after a hostess cupcake, except it's gourmet and stuff:  yummy chocolate cake, Bavarian cream filling, topped with chocolate ganache--and for Valentine's, they are covered in sprinkles around the edges with a tasty cherry-flavored candy heart in the middle.  YUM!

I ran out of time yesterday, so I decided that today was the day.  I marched over to the bakery only to discover a line that stretched outside the door!  This is unheard of!  Rather than take this as a sign that I had no business in there, I found my place in line and patiently awaited my turn.  As I stood there, a couple came up to the bakery.  The woman was in her mid-40's wearing a hideous furry sweater, enormous rose-tinted glasses, with her hair in a pony tail (not unlike mine), and the man was non-descript.  I couldn't decipher their exact relationship, but I think they were co-workers of some sort.  As she walked up, I could tell she was annoying.  Here's how it all went down.

Annoying Lady: This is the place.  Here's where we want to be. (She attempts to walk inside the bakery despite the fact that there is an obvious line reaching outside the door.)  Where do you stand?  Do you think this is a line? (She and her companion then line up behind me.)  Will this work?  This is the place.  I bet they're fast.  They must be fast.  Do you think they're fast?  Wow.  They must be good.  I wonder why all of these people are here.  Do you know why so many people are here?  Why would all these people be here?  Is it that good?  What do they have in there?  Is this place good?  Why is there a line?  Why are all these people here?  I bet it's good.
Me: Valentine's Day is tomorrow.  That's why there's a line.
AL: (Looking baffled and somewhat unconvinced) Oh.  What's good here?
Me: Everything.  I like the cupcakes, the cheesecake, the tortes, and some of the cookies.
Friendly Fellow in Front of Me: It's true.  Everything's good.  However, there is one thing that's not all that great.  The more standard cookies tend to be too dense.
Me: Yeah.  I don't like their sugar cookies, but those Quake cookies are my favorite.  (For the record, the quake cookies are chewy chocolate hazelnut cookies covered in powdered sugar that used to be a bargain at 85 cents, but now cost $1.15)
FF: Have you tried their newest thing?  They have something called a Love Bun.  It's so delicious--croissant-like bread with pastry filling.
AL: (Turning to her grumpy companion) I just heard they have something called a Love Bun.  I'm going to get that.  My decision is made.  I'm getting a love bun.  What else do they have in there?
Grumpy Companion: This is gonna take too long.  I need to eat something.
AL: Well there are all these people here.  It must be good.  People wouldn't come here if it wasn't good.  I'm sure we can get something for you.
GC: Well, I'm hungry now.
AL: I'm getting a Love Bun.  Doesn't that sound good.  I think it'll be great.

(We finally make it into the shop, and AL starts bobbing around people trying to find what she wants, chattering about nothing in particular.)

AL: (To GC) It looks like they have Tuna Salad and Egg Salad sandwiches.  I wonder why they don't have more sandwiches.
Me: (Thinking to myself) Because it's 4 o'clock, you dumbass.  Lunch is far from over.  They close in three hours.
AL: I can't see everything.  I wonder what they have.  I want a Love Bun.  Oh no.  The Love Buns are gone.  I bet those guys took the last one. (For the record, FF and his friend did not take the last Love Bun.  The bakery didn't have any today.)  What are you going to get?
GC: I guess I'm getting a tuna salad.  That's all they have here.
AL: I wonder why they don't have more sandwiches.  Doesn't it seem strange?  Why would they just make tuna and egg salad. (Obviously she didn't notice the 5 other signs for sandwiches that WERE there before they were sold to lunch customers prior to 4pm.)

(After waiting for the millions of bakery-goers to get their sweets, I ordered my cupcake and was almost on my way.)

AL: Do you have any Love Buns?  I want a Love Bun. I heard their good.  So do you have any?
Bakery Dude: (confused) No.  Not today.
AL: Are you sold out?  Did that guy get the last one?
BD: We don't have any.
AL: Oh.  What's good?

(And that's when I left.)

- scene -

I NEVER want to be in a line with that woman again.  Should she become a regular at my local bakery, it may be the deterrent I need to NOT go there (and, quite honestly, I don't go there THAT much).  So annoying!

After that excursion, I stopped by my favorite coffee shop (since there are 3 to choose from on my street).  All I wanted was a large mango iced tea, and it took ten thousand years to get it.  Why?  Because a couple that was older than dirt was ahead of me.  Old people are slow.  One day I'll be a slow, old person (with no cats, but with a few too many quirks to go out into public on a regular basis), but until that day, I'll be the speedy young nipper who stands there slightly annoyed at the oldsters because she just wants her iced tea in less than 15 minutes.  And then, as I'm thinking about how silly it is for me to be annoyed, I'll start thinking about my grandparents and how I used to think they were unbelievably slow (and got slower as they got older).  Then, I'll start to feel bad about the way I acted like a spoiled brat (because I was 20 and full of piss and vinegar for no reason in particular) the last time I saw my grandma and wish that I could apologize for my behavior (since I didn't know it would be the last time I'd ever see her) and tell her I how much I love her and wish that I knew her recipe for chicken and dumplings that she created just for me.  But I guess that's just the cross I have to bear.

Anyway...I did get my iced tea, and I did eat the cupcake.  Both were divine, and now I'm good on the most-est cupcake for another year or so (I don't want to overdo it and make it less than a treat, ya know...besides, I gotta work on improving my reflection).