Why I Hate Facebook: Reason 5647

Alright, I'll admit it, I'm an old fogie. I am not a fan of the social networking (and yes, I see the irony in the fact that I am writing this on Myspace). Seriously, though, I just don't get it. I am not interested in collecting online friends. I have no desire to put my whole life out there for the world to see. Why else would I wear a gorilla suit?

I started this business out of boredom, and my entry into this world of social awkwardness still makes me squirm. It was bad enough when someone from high school found me on Facebook and identified me as a friend. I wrote her a note to say hello, you know, like you would for anyone that you haven't spoken to in 15 years that suddenly pops back into your life. Did she respond? No. But, months later, she apparently caught wind of the fact that I went out on the town with other people that she also went to high school with (and doesn't actually talk to) and sent me a public comment chiding me for not calling and inviting her. WE AREN'T FRIENDS! Just because you found me online and added me to your collection of pictures does not mean that I now I have to reach out to you when I'm in your area (not to mention the fact that I don't even know her phone number....AND WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN 15 YEARS!)

Wow, I thought I was over that one. Guess not.

So what's the affront this time? Well, it could be all of the people that apparently went to high school with me that keep trying to add me as a friend. Unfortunately, I have no idea who they are. It isn't that I have a bad memory. I know who I hung out with in school. So why can't I remember them? Well, I did graduate in a class of 900. Oh yeah, and because I don't know these people! Just because we are from the same hometown does not mean that I have any obligation to add them to my online friend list. I really don't know who these people are!

Oh, and don't get me started on the girl from Minnesota who shares my same name. Apparently we should be friends simply because we have the same name. I say nay!

None of these reasons, however great they are, are Reason 5647. Nope. Not a one of 'em.

So what is it?

My friend's ex-husband just added me as a friend. Uhhh...last time I checked we weren't friends. Our friendship was based only on the fact that he was married to my friend. Once they split up (and stopped communicating with each other), my interest in friendship with him was gone. Sure I chose a side, but what else was I to do? She and I have been friends since the 7th grade. He didn't show up until the 11th grade. My side was chosen a long time ago.

And it all boils down to is the fact that I hate social networking. I hate friend collectors. And I fail to see why having thousands of "friends" makes you any less of a socially awkward shut-in.

Or perhaps I'm being a little too harsh.

The Goldfish Are Gone

That's right.  Once again, I proved that i can NOT be trusted with snack food.  Sure it seemed like a good idea on Sunday night to purchase the big box of goldfish crackers.  You know, I'd save some money, and I'd have a handy snack.

Well, apparently, the handy snack turned into my main meal for a week.  Yes, I did eat goldfish for dinner on Monday and all day long on Tuesday (and nothing else...shy for a couple pieces of fruit).  And yes, I DID feel some kind of terrible the next day.  But that didn't stop me from eating more on Wednesday and making it my dinner on Thursday.

And now they're gone.

And I feel disgusting.

Lesson learned...again.

Best. Cover Letter. Ever.

I was just thinking about this cover letter I wrote last fall in response to an ad posted by a new winery looking for someone to give tours. They stressed that knowledge of wine wasn't as important as having a great personality. I took that and ran with it....and they called me immediately.

Of course, they were too far away, and I didn't have enough availability. But still....the letter is a piece of art.

Enjoy!

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Dear Human Resources,

While browsing Craigslist, I ran across your ad for a Tasting Room Sales position in Alexander Valley. As a wine enthusiast, seasoned sales professional, and all-around people person, I couldn't pass this up, so I'd like to apply.

My resume is attached for your perusal, and, as you will see, I have extensive experience in the music business. I'm eager to learn about another business and have fun at the same time. I believe that working at a winery will give me just that. Since my resume outlines my "corporate" experience, I'd like to share with you some of the highlights of my customer service career. My first job was at an ice cream shop, which really prepared me for conducting wine tastings. Why? It's simple really. As you may know, people like to sample different ice creams before deciding upon the perfect cone combination, and, as the counter help, I worked hard to ensure that each customer made a well-informed decision. While in college, I also worked at Nordstrom and the Gap, thus giving me more customer service experience.

My favorite position, however, was being a campus tour guide. I enjoy few things more than giving tours and/or presentations, and you will be hard-pressed to find someone that can talk as much as I can. In fact, I've been known to give impromptu tours of San Francisco to tourists that ask me for directions or want to know a fun-fact about whatever building might be in front of us. It's just who I am.

Basically, I enjoy people, and, since theater is a hobby, I do well in front of groups. As I mentioned before, I think your open position sounds like fun, and I believe that I could be an asset to your tasting room.

Thanks for your time. I hope to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Cardelia Boardeaux
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Okay, so I didn't mention that I almost got fired from the ice cream gig because I was unable to make milkshakes at lightspeed, or that I was rarely allowed to work the front counter because I tended to drop ice cream on people, and, really, my main job there was to wash dishes and assemble salads. But that's neither here nor there.

And, you're right, at no point did I mention that my stints at both Nordstrom and the Gap were for a mere 3 weeks. No, I didn't say anything about how I spent my last day at Nordstrom folding socks in the backroom while the 18-year-old manager popped in to make sure I understood that I needed to match socks of the same color (which I did understand, but she liked to lord her authority over me because she was an evil, evil girl...who just so happened to be the receptionist at the insurance company I temped at one year later...and she was much nicer and seemed to think we were friends at Nordies). And, yes, when I was at the Gap, I was THE WORST EMPLOYEE EVER. No, I didn't arrive on time, and yes, I did yell at the manager in front of customers. And I may have been in at war with some short, fat girl named Cynthia who would knock over all the piles of clothes that I had JUST folded, and say, "You should fold those." But is any of that REALLY important?

I didn't think so.

Introducing...

Cardelia Boardeaux!

After searching my house, I finally located my picture of Cardelia Boardeaux. She is pictured with one of the game show contestants/writer/producers of her television program.

Isn't she lovely?

I almost forgot about that Esprit purse hanging on the closet door. Man, I loved that purse....and my Odie piggy bank.