Personal Record

I ran a 10 minute mile today.  That has NEVER happened in the history of my life.  While this may not seem like much a feat to anyone that actually runs for fun, it truly is.  I am no runner, people.  Nope.  Not a runner.  Throughout my 31 years, I've made every effort not to run.  That's why I don't run marathons.  I don't like running for 1 mile, much less 26.  But tonight, I hit a milestone.  Admittedly, I was skeptical.  I mean, after last Saturday's bike ride, wouldn't anyone be?  Perhaps I bit off more than I can chew with this whole triathlon training.  But, apparently, the coach hasn't given up on me.  I admittedly thought he might (especially if he actually knows that I started crying on my bike), but he still thinks I could be an athlete--albeit, a slow one.

People who run don't understand those of us that don't.  It's funny really.  They have no problem running and talking.  Me, I can't really do both.  It's one or the other for me.  I keep trying to carry on a conversation (especially since people insist on talking to me while we do our warm-up run which feels like a balls-out run to me), but once we make it halfway around the track, I'm out.  Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm rude for bailing out.  But then I realize that they can see that in less than 30 seconds, I'm halfway behind them.  Not a runner.

So, tonight I ran 5 miles.  FIVE MILES.  Again, to people that run, that isn't such a big deal.  But I didn't walk during any of those 5 miles.  Okay, that's a lie, I did walk a little bit on two of my "recovery" jogs.  So we ran about 3 1/2 miles, and then at the end we had to run a "hard" mile.  I tried to bargain with the coach, making an empty promise to run a mile tomorrow morning, but he had none of it.  So I just did it...and I ran fast.  Well, I ran fast for me.  My pace is most people's "easy" pace.  Once I realized that I was running a 10 minute mile, I certainly didn't want to stop.  So I just kept going.  I DID IT!  Not only that, I ran the 1/2 mile "cool down" too.  Last time, I just pretended to do it.

It was very exciting.  Another girl was paired up with me because she was slower than the others, and she ran a personal best of 8 1/2 minutes.  Why she was paired with me is a total mystery.  That, and, how fast were the other people going?  Seriously.

It turned out to be a good night for me.  In the beginning I was skeptical.  Then I got out there and saw that there were a couple fat girls, and I felt totally relieved.  Well, I was relieved until I found out they were part of the boot camp and not the track practice.  So, I'm still the slowest one, but I'm nothing like I was when I started triathlons 3 years ago.  My beginning running pace was a 12 minute mile because I couldn't run a full loop around the track without walking.  See how far I've come?

Now I just have to start the swimming portion of my training.  I'd like to say that will be easy, but I'm not as good a swimmer as I have led myself to believe.  I grew up with a pool in my backyard, so it seems obvious to me that I'm an excellent swimmer.  My little floaties were deflated during my first timed open-water swim 3 years ago.  We had to do 6 laps in a lake, and the coach told us that we COULD do 4, but strongly encouraged 6.  I was one of the last 3 people in the water (and yes, the other two had 200 pounds on me).  I was convinced that everyone else just did 4 laps, until it happened again...and again...and again.  Apparently, hanging out in a pool everyday of the summer as a kid doesn't make you a competitive swimmer.  Weird.

But I'm not dwelling on that.  I have to get over that hurdle tomorrow.  You know, after I get all the hair ripped off my legs.  That's just the kind of girl I am.

Just A Few Words on Martha

Martha Stewart is such an awkward person.  I was watching her show while I ate my delectable lunch (a salad of my own design, followed up by a banana), and, as usual, I found myself dumbfounded and annoyed.  She's really strange.  Honestly, I'm not a Martha fan, but I can't stop watching her show (mostly because it comes on during my lunchtime).  So here are some of my observations.

For starters, I don't think she really likes her guests.  She seems to think she is better than them (even when they are the experts in their field).  Sometimes, it gets to the point where you can just feel the tension.  For instance, when Paula Dean is on (and I love Paula Dean.  She reminds me of my cousins from Georgia), Martha is utterly horrified by her to the extent that she tells her as much.  Paula was busy being messy, and Martha told her that she couldn't handle having Paula in her home.  Martha constantly corrects people in a very condescending way.  It's just odd.

I really think that she was forced into this show by her PR people.  Sure, they did a great job at making her over post-prison, but she's still a cold, cold woman.  She also laughs inappropriately.  It's kind of unsettling.  Today she was answering a viewer's question about preparing beans, and started laughing as she poorly delivered an unfunny joke.  It was really uncomfortable because she was the only one that thought she was funny.

A couple years ago, on her Halloween special, she was totally insane.  She crawled out on the set as if she were a cat, then started running around showing off everything on the set.  She was totally manic and really weird.  For weeks afterward, I kept looking for clips on the internet or The Soup.  There was nothing!  It was totally worthy of the The Soup.  Crazy.

Today she had a British kid named, Freddy, on the show.  He apparently stars in the Spiderwick Chronicles.  It became readily apparent that Ms. Stewart is not comfortable with children during his segment, in which they made some sort of cookie bar (that did look delicious).  She did not know how to talk to him at all...and he was 16.  So, it's not like he was an unruly five-years-old.  At one point she seemed shocked that he had read "Catcher in the Rye", then proceeded to awkwardly ask the audience who had read the book and command that everyone should do so.  As they were making the treats, Freddy was politely waiting for her instruction, and she couldn't have been colder.  She's really bossy.  At one point, they were spreading candy all over the dough, and he asked if he had spread it correctly.  Martha curtly replied, "No." and continued about her business.  Rude!  I just think there is a better way to handle that question.  It was innocent enough, and he was clearly intimidated by her.

No wonder her daughter is such a cold person.  Have you ever seen her on the show?  Yikes.  I'd hate to be stuck at a dinner table with her.  Talk about negative.

But anyway, I just find Martha Stewart to be an awkward, cold person.  She tries to be all warm and fuzzy.  But, ultimately, she seems like she'd just prefer to be on the stage alone.

Oh, AND...I get so annoyed when she gives household tips.  Once she demonstrated the 27-step procedure to cleaning windows and explained that her method was the ONLY acceptable method.  If you clean your windows in two steps, like me, you are a fool!  No one has that kind of time, Martha!

My last gripe...  While I understand that she uses the show as a vehicle to sell her many product lines, I find it irritating that she's CONSTANTLY plugging herself on the show.  "Now you'll just take a dab of the Martha Stewart craft glue, and firmly attach the Martha Stewart colored paper after you've cut it with your Martha Stewart scissors."  Enough already.  There are too many lemmings in this world.

Okay, I'm done.

Kids Today: Mumblers

What's up with the mumbling?  I'll preface this by saying that I do realize there may be some socio-economic factors involved with mumbling.  However, doesn't anyone tell these kids that they could go much further in life through effective (read: understandable) communication?

Talking to a mumbler is like talking to Lassie.  What's that, girl?  Timmy's in trouble?  He fell in the river?  Let's go!

Today I was at the phone store, and my salesperson was a mumbler.  Not only that, he was texting throughout our entire transaction.  Don't get me wrong, he was a nice kid, but he could use a little customer service training.  Eye contact and clear speech goes a long way.  I have no idea what he said to me when I walked up and asked a question.  After translating it in my head, I managed to decipher that he told me I needed to call customer service.  But still, I shouldn't have to do that.  Also, even though I appreciate the fact that he just accepted my request to return my phone without putting up a fight, he would do better if he actually "sold" things.  I'm a salesperson, and I'm admittedly not pushy, but I get the job done.  I really worry about the mumblers.

The other recent mumbler was outside of Safeway.  Last December, I was running errands, feeling especially generous with my spare change, and these kids approached me about some sort of donation.  Now, I know that it was likely a scam.  But, I was in a generous mood, and I've been known to spend $2 on useless items (like the unsatisfying cookies at Starbucks).  So, even if they were going to spend my $2 on candy (because I'm going to assume they were fine, upstanding citizens), it wasn't a big loss for me.

On my way out of the store, I stopped to hear their spiel, and I was approached by....a mumbler.  Here's how it went:

Me: Hi, what are you guys raising money for?

Mumbler: mmmrrrrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmmrrrrmmmm

Me: Uhhh...so you're on the YMCA team?

Mumbler: mmmhhhhmmmmrrrmmm

Me: And you are raising money for uniforms, so you can compete in the regional tournament?

Mumbler: (silence)

Me: Okay, here's all I've got.  $2.

Mumbler: (looking upset while pocketing the cash)

Me: (pushing for a thank you) It's all I've got, but it's better than nothing.  Um, don't I need to sign off on your collection sheet, so you can keep track of the donations?

Mumbler: mmmmmrrrmmmm

And scene.

I really felt for the kid, regardless of the fact that he was probably scamming me.  How is he going to get anywhere in life if he mumbles?  Hasn't anyone tried to help him enunciate?  As a salesperson, I want to help people like this. 

Another instance occurred in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  I was getting out of my car, when a fellow selling bootlegged DVDs out of a shopping basket, called after me:

Fella: Ma'am, you don't need no DVDs, do ya?

Me: You're right.  I don't.

Class, how could you improve upon his sales pitch?  Perhaps he should have asked me if I wanted some DVDs?  In actuality, he just reminded me that I don't need any DVDs (nor did I need any of the other things that were being sold in the parking lot).  I feel like someone needs to offer some sort of guidance to the mumblers and bad salespeople (even if they are doing something less than legal).

I get more concerned for the future every day.

*sigh*

Cell Phone Throwdown

Today was the big day!  I threw down with my cell phone company.  I've been working up to this for weeks now--gettin' all mad, losing sleep, punching pillows.  When it comes to billing disputes, I train like Mike Tyson.  That's right, I got a tattoo on my face, and I ate an ear....of corn.

You may recall my tale of the blackberry that scares me?  Well, it's caused me nothing but grief since I purchased it.  Oh yes, the Blackberry Pearl is cute.  It's all red and snazzy, but the usability is pathetic.  I just despise the thing.  And, to top it off, I can't do what I need to do with it in the first place.  Oh, and, I hate the plan I'm on now.  It's all terrible.

Here's the story.  I needed a blackberry (well, as much as anybody needs yet another device that makes them appear cool, yet feel like a total idiot), so I went looking for one.  My cell phone contract isn't up for another 3 months, so I had a quandary on my hands.  Stick with my current provider (that isn't really supported by my company), or go to someone else and wait out the rest of my current contract.

One day, I wandered into the cell phone store of my current provider (we'll call them "Phonies") wanting nothing more than to see what they offered.  The salesperson (who will be known as PP for Phone Pusher) was very helpful.  It may have been the best experience I've ever had with Phonies, and I've been a customer for almost 10 years (hot damn that makes me feel old).  Since my phone wasn't up for an upgrade for another 2 weeks, I figured I'd just wait (since I certainly didn't want to pay retail for a new phone). 

Then, PP told me that I could walk out with a new phone today AND get 550 minutes.  My ears unwillingly perked up.  We wandered over to the phones, and I fell for the Red Pearl (it's really cute).  She made some magic happen on the computer and told me I had to keep my old phone for 3 days, then come back and get the number applied to the blackberry.  I was a little confused about the whole keeping the old phone part of the deal, but she didn't offer up much of an explanation.  She told me that I would keep the other phone as a back-up, which still didn't make sense, but I just went with it.  Also, when PP brought out my new beauty of a phone, she grabbed a memory card for me because she knew I'd want it.  I didn't, but I was so confused and thankful for her "helpfulness" that I just agreed to it.  I'm such a sucker!  She signed me up for the voice service and blackberry service (about which I asked if it had the Data Enterprise Server, and she said yes).

Then, I was on my way.  And that's when I realized that I may have been duped.  I let it sit for a couple of days, you know, so the pus-filled wound that is my poor-buying decision ability could fester.  Once I was out of the store, I found the phone very difficult to use because, even though PP showed me how easy it was to type...it wasn't.  That stupid phone kept trying to make me type other things.  Then, I started really questioning the blackberry plan since she offered no explanation as to what it included.  At that point, I chose to do a little internet research where I discovered that I was now on a family plan.  That's right, lonely old me now has 2 cell phone numbers.  There is no reason for that!  I started seething over it and actually sat up at nights getting irritated (because I'm that person).

After waiting the three days to get the numbers switched, I went back to Phonies.  Unfortunately for me, PP called in sick that day.  I explained to my "host" that I needed to talk to someone about my plan because I wasn't happy with it and needed some explanations.  All the random sales guys then piped in telling me that there was nothing I could do after 30 days.  Now, I made it pretty clear that I had purchased the phone a mere 6 days prior, so their hemming and hawing over the 30-day money-back guarantee was unnecessary.  Then, they started chiming in about changing numbers that are from other carriers (again, not the issue). 

I walked away and waited for someone to help me.  Minutes later, a salesperson (this one will go by BS for "Witch w/a B" Salesperson) called my name.  I explained my frustration to BS, and she started by telling me that there was nothing I could do.  Excellent start.  I told her that since I am only one person, I see no need to be on a family plan (except to destroy my sense of self-worth).  BS told me that I couldn't change the plans.  I suggested that I just return the blackberry and go back to my old plan with my current phone.  She told me that would be a tedious process for her and told me that my old plan was now void.  So, I am stuck with the old phone for another 2 years.  She did mention that in another week, I could upgrade the old phone.  I suggested that I return the blackberry at that point, and then upgrade the old phone.  She didn't like that idea because it would create too much of a hassle for her (as if me having 2 phones and a ridiculous plan that is costing me way too much isn't a hassle for me).  BS insisted that it was a good idea to have two phones because anyone with just one phone is running a big risk.  Seeing that we were clearly at an impasse, I chose to just walk out.  I figured I'd just come back in a week and see what happens.

After that incident, Phonies Phone Sales started calling me trying to get me to upgrade my old phone and get a family plan.  You know, the same plan I'm already on, but don't want.  They really need to learn to communicate in that company.  They are as bad as the gym when the call me every day for three weeks after I've re-upped my membership telling me that I shouldn't let it expire.  It really makes me wonder if it's just some sort of trick, so I pay them AGAIN without realizing the error.

So, last week, I contacted my friendly IT Department and made a new friend.  I may have to bake him cookies since he was forced to sit on the phone with me for countless minutes as we discovered that my blackberry plan did NOT have the Enterprise Server.  Those Phonie Liars!  That was on Friday, and I began preparing for the Cell Phone Throwdown.  Originally, I scheduled the throwdown for Saturday afternoon, but I decided to wait until Monday (because I was too pooped from my bike ride, and because I thought I might need to demand a manager).

So, today, I was ready.  I had a huge speech prepared, and I was ready to fight.  I may be a terribly gullible sucker and am easy to sway when it comes to ridiculous purchases, but I'm also an expert at returning things.  You can cross me all you want, but don't think I'm keeping whatever useless thing you sold me.  I have my ways!

I marched on into Phonies, which was totally hoppin', and I told the "host" that I wanted to return my phone and cancel my plan.  He signed me onto the waiting list and told me, "Hmm...I'll be honest with you.  The wait is about 20 minutes.  You might just come back later."  Ha!  I wasn't falling for that trick.  They have no idea how good I am at standing around doing nothing.  So I waited, and finally my name was called.  It was go time!  I walked up to my salesperson who was busy texting someone on his phone and didn't bother to look up when I said hello.  I told him I wanted to return my phone, and he mumbled something (because he's a mumbler).  Then, he just let me return it (never stopping his texting throughout the transaction).  I didn't have to go into my big explanation.  I felt a bit deflated, but glad all the same.  While I was returning the phone, PP walked in from her break.  I have to admit that two weeks ago I felt a little guilty about wanting to return the phone because she was just so very nice, but today, I could see that she was just a very persuasive weasel.

The next step was to call Phonies and cancel the service.  Things were going very smoothly, until my customer service rep (who we will call DP for Diligent Persuader), noticed that I have been a customer for almost 10 years and didn't want to lose me.  He started offering me all sorts of things, including the Pearl to which I exclaimed "I hate that phone".  Based on his response, I don't think I'm the only one.  I explained the work email problem, and he figured out what plan carried that.  Then, he started offering me all kinds of deals.  And, well, I ended up buying a different blackberry (which wasn't part of the new plan) and getting a pretty sweet deal on the services.  So, I'm sticking with Phonies.  Should everything go awry once my new blackberry arrives, I'm totally returning it and going back to my other plan. 

So, I'm still a sucker, and I'm still leery of the new phone and services.  I won't know until I get it...but I do have 30 days to decide whether or not it's working for me.  So, I guess that's something.

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get to throw down at the store.  I was totally prepared because nothing makes my blood boil faster than anything remotely suspect in the realm of phones, banking, or healthcare.

Next time.

A Few Observations From My Trip to the Store

Alright. I just went out to run a couple errands, and I have a few observations to share with the class. This trip included a trip to the bike shop to tune-up and fix my poor bike, as well as, a trip to Safeway. Read on...

1. My new, shiny raincoat continues to be a man magnet in much the same way that small dogs are chick magnets.

2. When paying someone for a service, nothing makes me want to walk out of the shop more than having them make fun of me. This one may require a little backstory. I took my bike into the shop, and the guys working in the bike sales department leapt to help me (and my shiny raincoat). I told them I needed a tune-up and explained that I took a fall this morning, so the gears are slipping. Immediately, they started making fun of me for falling AND insulted my bike. Granted, the bike is really dirty right now as a direct result of the ride this morning (and normally I would clean it before taking it in, but that wasn't in the cards today). They were terribly rude, and I was so annoyed. Seriously, guys. I'm paying you money. Treat me with a little respect. Sure you can make fun of me after I leave, but don't do it to my face. And I'm someone that knows the art of self-deprecating humor to the extent that I find humor in all my missteps. Tonight I just wasn't having it. Luckily the guy that will fix my bike was very nice. He saved the sale.

3. Apparently it's the day before the Super Bowl. I had no idea until I walked into the grocery store and wondered why it was so crowded on a Saturday night.

4. People (specifically the woman ahead of me at the check-out) spend more on Super Bowl-related junk food than I spend on a month's worth of groceries.

5. The Safeway checkers strive to be the slowest guns in the West. It is astounding how slow they are.

6. The woman ahead of me has no manners. Even though there was a long line behind her (which started when an elderly woman paid with a check in front of the mannerless woman), she made no effort to help expedite the sacking of her groceries. She stood there and waited for the checker to do it. At one point, she helped out by holding the stack of paper bags, so they didn't cover up any of her groceries. Come on! How many times have I bagged my own groceries? Almost every time. Clearly she doesn't shop at Trader Joe's...and why was she shopping at the Ghettoway instead of the Pick-up joint known as the Marina Safeway?

7. Exercise gives me bad knees. Say what you want about age, but I'm convinced that exercising is making me hurt. I never hurt when I just sit around.

8. 17-20 minutes feels like an eternity when you're hungry and want to eat a frozen pizza (after it's been cooked, of course).

9. Television during the writer's strike is really dissatisfying. Furthermore, Saturday night TV always blows, writer's strike or not.

10. Baby animals are darling--specifically baby rhinos.

I Want My Mommy!

I'm a crybaby. Wah!

Ouch. Today I went on the most challenging bike ride of my life (and quite possibly the longest at 36 miles). It's been three years since using my bike for anything other than an art piece in the corner of my living room, and I really should have eased myself into it a little more. Yeesh!

So, as I've mentioned, I'm training for a triathlon. By training, I mean that I've signed up for two olympic distance events and a training program. Since the beginning of the training program, I have worked out approximately 4 1/2 times (the 1/2 because I spent a questionable 20 minutes on an exercise bike the other day). Admittedly, I was a little concerned about the bike ride (which may explain why I missed the first scheduled ride two weeks ago...well, that and the fact that I had a combo food/wine hangover), but I was determined. I was told that we were riding if the rain was light. And, it was. I got to the meeting point, and it wasn't so bad. I pulled out my bike and dressed in the appropriate clothing; however, I did choose to keep my cotton pants on instead of relying solely on my PHAT bike shorts (which was a decision I deeply regretted in the last half hour of my ride). Only 5 other people showed up for this ride (and, as I was told later while climbing a never-ending hill, those folks, with one exception, are the hard-core cyclists). The coach was friendly and encouraging as usual. We started the ride, and I couldn't remember how to change my gears. Luckily, the coach gave me a quick refresher course. We rode over the Golden Gate Bridge, and I was feeling it. We rode down to Sausalito, and I was fearful of flying off the bike. We rode on the bike path to Mill Valley--still hanging in there. Then, we climbed a ridiculous hill on our way to Fairfax. I was doing really well. 

After 18 miles of doing a decent job of sticking with the group, we stopped at a coffee shop. I won't lie, I was starving. Unfortunately for me, food was not in the cards for me (though it really should have been). Once our coffee break was over, we got back on our bikes and headed back. The storm also started kicking into high gear. I was a little tired (and started realizing how cold I was since my clothes were soaked because I can't be bothered to get a waterproof raincoat). Everything was going fine until we started climbing back over that monster hill. I was dying, but I didn't stop. The coach doubled back a couple times to check on me (because I was far and away the slowest person in the group). We finally conquered the hill and started the descent, along with the rain. It was raining so hard that I couldn't keep my eyes open consistently. It was terrible. 

Finally back in Mill Valley, I was feeling good and hopeful. I told the coach that I was tough. Looking back, that was the beginning of my downfall. I was totally exhausted because of the physical activity and because I was starving. The coach gave me some goo and gatorade, and that totally made a difference. We were entering Sausalito when catastrophe struck. I fell off my bike in front of a bunch of cars and other bikers. It was only the second time I've ever fallen off of my bike (the first being the first time I ever got on it...oh, and I guess I did fall off the bike at the bike shop when they were adjusting it and I flew off the trainer, so technically it's the third time), and the circumstances were almost identical. We came to an intersection, so I clicked out of my pedal on the left side, but started leaning to the right side. So, I fell over in the middle of the street. The fall hurt, but not too bad. The bad part was that I messed up my gears. The coach adjusted them temporarily, and I kept going, but the gears kept slipping. I was also getting tired and frustrated (which is never a good combination), so I REALLY wanted to just stop. But, doggonit, I'm tenacious! We rode through Sausalito, and my gears were making me irate. Then, we got to the base of the final hill (that is a monster if you're not familiar with it) leading back to the bridge. I was tired, but I was almost there. As we started up, I switched my gears and tragedy struck. My chain slipped off. The coach was now out of sight, so I stopped to fix it. Luckily, another biker stopped to help me. I got back on my way, cursing my pedals (because I was having a helluva time clipping in). The gear shift was wonky, and my knee started bugging me. Now, when I say bugging me, I don't mean it was slightly annoying or bothersome. It f-ing hurt every time I put pressure on it (which was constantly since I was furiously pedaling up a killer hill). 

Let me tell you, the sky wasn't the only one crying at that point. I started bawling because I was so frustrated. Even though I knew better, I got off my bike and started walking. I felt like such an idiot, but I couldn't stop crying. I mean, come on, I was tired, hungry, wet (oh, and those cotton pants were totally soaked and heavy at this point), angry, and in a bit of pain. Three girls stopped to see if I needed help. I told them I was fine (even though I choked it out through my uncontrollable tears). It went like this:

Girl: Are you okay? 

Me: *sob* Yeah, I'm fine.

Girl: Did you fall off your bike?

Me: *sob* Yeah...

Girl: Is your bike messed up?

Me: Kind of. *sob* But I fell about a half an hour ago, so it's nothing new. *sob*

Girl: Hmmm...we can try to fix your gears.

Me: No. *sob* It's fine.

Girl: Do you want to use my phone?

Me: *sob* I don't know who to call.

Girl: Do you need food? (and I should mention that the guy who helped me with my chain offered me food, so I must have looked some kind of awful)

Me: No.

Girl: When did you eat last?

Me: 10 minutes ago.

Girl: Okay. You're almost to the bridge.

Me: *sob* Okay.

Girl: I think you'll be okay. The only thing that's broken is your spirit.

Me: *sob* I know.

Girl: You know, it will go faster if you get back on the bike.

Me: *sob* Yeah. I'll just walk for a little bit.

And they were off, wishing me luck. I continued on my walk of shame (which was also difficult since I was wearing shoes with a piece of metal on the bottom, making it difficult to walk at any rate of speed), and then, after about 20 feet, I got back on the bike. Thirty seconds later, the coach came back and led me over the bridge. While we were on the bridge, the girls passed me and cheered because I was back on the bike. It was still pouring and it was uncomfortably windy. 

We finally made it back to the cars, and I was ecstatic. I put the bike in my car, took my pants off, as well as my socks and shoes, and felt nothing but relief. The coach came over and gave me a hug. He apologized for the ride, but it really wasn't his fault (unless he has a red phone that controls the weather). I told him that I always make it through and apologized for being so slow. I also mentioned that my spirit was a little broken toward the end. Apparently, he was totally unaware of my breakdown (even though I thought the girl mentioned it when she passed him on the bridge). He said, "No way. You smiled and laughed through the whole thing. You're a trooper." Laughter through the tears, people. That's my way...along with a few curse words peppered in just for effect.

I then got in my car and turned the heat on. I've never been happier to turn on all of my heaters and take a shower. Nor have I ever been happier to lay on my couch and watch my favorite presenter on Gems TV.

We'll see how this training thing goes. I'm starting to have my doubts because I'm WAY out of shape. The coach's girlfriend suggested an "easy" Half IronMan race, but that was when we climbed the first hill. She may take those words back now (and I already know better because an olympic distance race is pushing it--in case you are unaware of the feats I'll perform: 1 mile swim, 25 mile bike ride, 6 mile run, and a Half Ironman is twice that).

Another rider told me that if I showed up for this ride, then I have no good excuses for missing any other rides. Again, that was before I hit the wall. I think I might get demoted to riding around the track on a banana seat Schwinn. Maybe I can get a basket and a horn, too.

Ow.

Castro Post Office vs. Bank of China

Today I had to pick up a package from the post office.  Unfortunately for me, the post office where my wayward packages are kept is ALWAYS busy and ALWAYS understaffed.  As I stood in line today, I realized that the experience at the Castro Post Office is quite similar to the experience of going to the Bank of China.  Please see my analysis below.

How is the Castro USPS similar to the Bank of China?

1. Regardless of what time you walk in, there is always a line of at least 15 people.

2. Even if there are less than 15 people, don't expect to get out of there in under 45 minutes.

3. Despite the fact that there are numerous stations, there are always no more than 2 people working at a time.

3.a. Should you see more than 2 people, the 3rd person is not seeing customers and will completely ignore you should you make the mistake of approaching them.

4. The employees are slow, slow, slow.  This may be due to the amount of bureaucratic paperwork involved in every transaction.

5. Every person in line ahead of you has some ridiculously involved transaction that will take at least 15 minutes to complete.

6. Even though there is a constant line of at least 15 people and only 2 people working, one of the workers will go on break or just randomly disappear.

7. Everyone is surly, and the workers are not sympathetic when it comes to your wait time (or the fact that you may need to be somewhere else (like say catching a train) since you've been waiting for an hour to either exchange money or mail something).

8. There's usually at least one customer that falls asleep while waiting their turn.

 

How are they different, you ask?

1. The BOC requires that you take a number and wait for it to be called, but you just stand in line at the post office.  The number system enables you to sit down and watch the numbers change on the light board above the tellers, so there's some built-in entertainment.

2. The BOC has a "VIP" system, so some people get to skip ahead in line.

3. The BOC has far more paperwork that requires at least 17 stamps to complete.

4. There are always at least 2 heavy breathers or grunters surrounding you at the post office.

5. At the post office, there is also some disgruntled customer who is very vocal about their needs.

6. Sometimes, at the post office, the manager comes out and tries to expedite things by pulling those of us with pickup slips out of line (no luck today).

7. Customers at the BOC have no issue pushing you away and placing their paperwork on top of your money within seconds of being called for their turn.  For that matter, customers of the BOC (specifically the Agriculture and Industry Bank) have no qualms about bellying up to you and watching your entire transaction.  (But that just bothers the middle-American in me, liking her space and false sense of privacy.)

 

I'm sure there's more, but that's all I could think of while I stood in line in front of a heavy breather, listening to the homeless guy complain about how difficult it is to get a PO Box without proper ID and making "100 grand a year" (regardless of the fact that the woman was making a real effort to help him).