MTV Spring Break Laos: Vang Vieng Edition

A few weeks before my trip to Laos, we were in the Golden Triangle, which is the area where Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar (Burma) meet. It also was the place where opium was grown and smuggled for decades. While there, I read an article about the budding tourist market that was Laos about ten years ago. What did I learn? That people went to Laos (Vang Vieng in particular) for cheap drugs—specifically for opium. Visions of seedy opium dens danced in my head and made this goody-two-shoes slightly uncomfortable with the prospect of coming to this place alone (or at all for that matter).

Also while on that little jaunt to the Golden Triangle, we took a quick boat trip over to the Laos border where Diane and I enjoyed a beer and checked out a poster given to the bar by the Laos Ministry of Tourism to help educate foreigners on appropriate behavior in Laos. It was covered with somewhat satirical, yet alarming, cartoons depicting inappropriate behavior while in Laos. The poster covered such topics as conservative dress, no touching monks, feet belong on the ground (which is something I might want to include on my tours, and the always necessary cartoon depicting a guy overdosing on heroin while his girlfriend stumbled around with a huge bong in her hand. Just say no, kids.

I couldn’t help but ask myself what I was getting myself into. I did my best to shrug it off and convince myself that things had changed and laws had strengthened in the country over the last decade, but I was still concerned. One saving grace so far in my journey was that the three people I had encountered on my way to Laos shared my feelings, giving me reason to believe that I wasn’t going to walk into Marki Post’s Lifetime Movie, “Chasing The Dragon”.

The day came (not quickly enough, I might add) for us to hop on the bus to Vang Vieng. We waited dutifully at our guesthouse, waiting to be picked up, but no one came. We asked the owner, and he assured us that the van would be there to pick us up very soon. Finally, at thirty minutes past the bus departure time, the van came to pick us up. The Scot and I loaded our stuff and settled in for what we thought would be a long journey. Suffice it to say that we were a mixture of surprise and shock (and a tiny bit embarrassed) when the van drove half a block away to the bus that was waiting right around the corner.

Seriously? The bust was fifty feet away from us the entire time, and no one bothered to fill us in on that little fact? We held up the entire bus because the bus company needed to ensure that the van driver had a job?

We boarded the bus and found a seat. As we settled in for our five-hour ride, I looked around the bus and immediately felt out of place. Not only was I probably the oldest person on board, I was probably the most square (next to my teetotaling Scottish friend, of course). At our first break, the Scot struck up a conversation with an Australian girl who was returning to Vang Vieng after a quick visa run. Apparently she loved the place so much, she had been there for two months. You may be asking yourself, what did this lovely girl do with her time? Enjoy the stunning scenery? Hike the limestone mountains? No, don’t be silly. She got trashed every day at the river, and she was on a mission to make sure she had time to do it again today.

Upon discovering that I was an American, she quickly started quizzing me on schools. She was planning on a semester abroad and couldn’t decide between University of Florida in Miami or Gainesville. When I asked her course of study, she informed me that all she was really looking for was a good party scene and some beach time. She purposely chose spring semester because it was essential that she be there for spring break. For a brief second, she expressed interest in Boston, but I crushed that dream when I explained that Boston is cold and the beach isn’t a welcoming place until July.

And she is just an example of the many people with whom I was sharing this ride. I have to admit that while I never enjoyed a spring break experience at the beach, I’m not sure that I would have wanted to be there in the first place. And, in that moment, I was pretty sure that I was on my way to my own personal version of hell.

The bus pulled into town around 3pm, and we ended up sharing a tuk-tuk with our Aussie friend and a group of very spoiled American youths (and I know this makes me sound old, but I am…what is up with the entitlement?). The Scot and I quickly escaped our companions and searched for a place to stay, preferably on the quiet side of the river. We ended up choosing a very basic bungalow for a very cheap price.

Once in our new home, we quickly changed clothes, as our plan was to go tubing. On our way to rent tubes, we got sidetracked by the possibility of taking a tubing/hiking/kayaking trip the next day. Since we only had an hour and a half for tubing that afternoon, we decided to can the idea altogether and wander around town. While out and about, I was the victim of a scornful look from a local woman. Although I was wearing a swimsuit under a sarong, my shoulders were bare, and this was apparently unacceptable to her. I have to admit I was a little surprised by her horror, considering there were girls where string bikinis, out of which their assets were hanging. Compared to them, I was a nun.

That night, we found ourselves in one of the many bars that plays endless reruns of Friends. I camped out there until I was tired and made my way back to the bungalow. As I was walking down the street, I saw a local family enjoying a night of karaoke. It took all I had to not ask if I might join in (and continue with my quest to sing karaoke in every Asian country I visit), but I got shy…and that turned out to be my only opportunity.

The journey home continued, and as soon as we got into our bungalow, we discovered the reason for the cheap accommodations. We had unwittingly found ourselves on the noisy side of the river. Dance music blasted from several different bars all night long. The party didn’t stop until 5am, and I was never so happy for that hour of sleep. Thank you Vang Vieng.