I do! I do!
Well, I’ve been a tour guide for 8 months now, and I’ve learned a thing or two. I’ve picked up some new skills—good and bad. One of the good ones is that I have no problem talking to random strangers (though I still appreciate my privacy, so don’t think I WANT to talk to every crazy on MUNI…I just can without feeling totally awkward). One of the bad ones…well, I profile. I know. I never thought I’d fall into the trap that so many police stations across the country have, but I did…and I do. I can look at a group of people, and within a couple minutes (sometimes less), I can tell you who will tip and who won’t. In case you’re wondering, young people (say, 27 and under) rarely tip…and middle-aged Americans are the best.
Now, this is the first time in my storied work career where I’ve worked for tips, and I have to admit that it’s a little strange. In the beginning, I was very uncomfortable with it. Mostly, I was uncomfortable asking for money. I still am to a certain extent, but I’m getting better—this is my livelihood after all. More and more, I realize that the tips you get often have nothing to do with you or your level of service. It has more to do with the people giving the tips.
I’ve had good days, and I’ve had bad ones. But, I discovered that, apparently, my good days are never as good as those of my male counterparts, and my bad days are FAR worst. People are much more willing to believe that verbal praise is worth more to me than money. Unfortunately for me, my landlord doesn’t accept rave reviews of the apartment as payment. They just want rent money.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not hurting, and I do see the tips as being an added bonus to my work. It’s just a little discouraging to see others who are on the same level as me making more money. So why? Why do men get more? Is it because people have some sort of ingrained sexism that makes them think that guys are providing for a family? Do they command more respect? I just don’t get it. I’m supporting myself, and I am not shy about letting people know. Hell, I can’t count how many times people (rudely, I might add) ask me how much my rent is. I’m a little uncomfortable saying, but they usually are pretty insistent. When they are, I usually give them an idea of San Francisco rents and tell them about where mine falls…which ain’t cheap. That conversation usually turns into, “Wow. How do you do it? You must make good money doing this.” The answer—no. I’ve never made “good” money, and I’ve always chosen to live in expensive places. So how do I do it? I know how much money I have. I accept that most of it goes to rent, and I don’t spend frivolously (all the time anyway). Nine times out of ten, those people that are so interested in how much rent I pay versus my income don’t tip me.
What is even more amazing to me is the people that only tip a dollar or two. I’m not asking for much, but I think that $5 per person is a pretty respectable amount to tip your tour guide when you’ve spent 9 hours with them and they have gone out of their way to do things NOT in their job description like help you find restaurants and directions (sometimes even helping make reservations at said places). Furthermore, when you pay $100 for a tour, giving the tour guide five bucks is ONLY 5%. I’m not asking for 15-20% like a waiter. The people that give me a dollar two (or worst, an unruly group of 10 people that give me a single dollar as their collective tip) are probably the same people that throw a dollar in the tip jar at Starbucks. Why is that person more deserving of a higher percentage tip-wise than I am? They spent a total of 1.5 minutes with you and on your drink. I spent 9 long hours with you. Being funny and helpful. It’s maddening.
Of course, the best tip story I have involves a very rude IT professional. It was a relatively small tour, and this guy, we’ll call him “Cool Guy” felt that there was nothing wrong whatsoever with taking phone calls on his cell phone while I was giving commentary…even though I ask that people refrain from the use of their cell phones. It’s not so much for me, but for all of the people on the bus onto whom they are thrusting their personal conversations. Once there was a girl who loudly did her banking over the phone while on the bus. People are idiots.
Back to the story… The day went on. Nothing that spectacular happened. Occasionally Cool Guy would flirt with me, despite the fact that it was obvious that another fella on the bus had a little crush on me (and happened to be hanging out with Cool Guy all day). (ed. I was interested in neither, but still…it seems as though Cool Guy was only flirting with me to be an ass to the other guy). Toward the end of the tour, Cool Guy pulled me aside.
Cool Guy: You’re going to have to call the office for your tip.
Me: What?
CG: They have your tip at the office.
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
CG: Just tell them my name, and they’ll know to give it to you.
Me: Uhhh…you need to start over. I don’t understand.
CG: I took your company’s airport shuttle to my hotel.
Me: Okay. I didn’t know we did that.
CG: Yeah. You do.
Me: And what does that have to do with my tip?
CG: I booked this tour before I took the airport shuttle, but then I saw that if you book the tour and the shuttle, you get $10 cash back.
Me: Okay…
CG: Well, I was told to ask the driver for my $10 back. So, I asked your driver, and he said he didn’t know what I was talking about.
Me: I’m not surprised. I don’t know what you’re talking about. The driver for the tour doesn’t carry around company money.
CG: Well, he was supposed to give me $10. That’s the money I was using for your tip.
Me: I think you were misinformed. Perhaps you were supposed to ask the airport shuttle driver for the cash back?
CG: It doesn’t matter. The point is, you need to call the office to get my tip.
Me: And what do I say to them?
CG: Just give them my name.
Me: And what is that?
CG: CoolGuy69
Me: Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
After this conversation, he insisted that I listen to his iPod with him. I never got that $10 because I know that the people in the office don’t give a rat’s ass about my tips or giving people their cash back. Jerk wad. I would have preferred to not have that ridiculous conversation at all. All it did was make me mad.
And that’s pretty much how it goes. Yay, tips!
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