Ah, Day 5 of 8 tours in a row (which thankfully went back down to only 7 tours in a row since both Day 5 AND 6 were nightmares, and I really needed to take a break). What a day! It was totally not worth it to get out of bed!
Speaking of getting out of bed, I was late doing that…and I missed the train I needed to take. So, I missed the train and had to wait for the next one. It felt like it took an eternity. Needless to say, I was running a bit late, but apparently that wasn't a big deal because the check-in process was a bit slow that morning. As I looked at the line, I found myself hoping that they were giving out boarding passes for someone else's tour. Why? Because the line was full of young twenty-something girls wearing dresses that barely covered their asses. That's just the kind of tour I do not want. In fact, no one wants that tour. It generally ends up sucking ass and is far from profitable. It wasn't my lucky day. I got a busload of princesses.
As I walked over to meet the group, I met the bachelorette party. They were a nice group of girls. I had high hopes for them. They were also in their late 20's, so there was a chance that they wouldn't be too demanding (and, on the whole, they weren't). Once I was on the bus, I gave my commentary during which the girls in the back carried on a very loud conversation. Then I wandered through the bus to introduce myself to everyone. As I made it through the aisle, I discovered the rest of the groups of girls. The next group I met was a group of three girls celebrating a birthday. They also seemed like they could be well-behaved and fun. Then there was a group of 8 friends enjoying an Oprah-approved girl's weekend. They were great. They were also in their mid-to-late 30's.
Finally, when I got to the very back of the bus, I formally met the girls that I despised at first sight. They were wearing the dresses that barely covered their behinds and were the ones that asked me (and my fellow guides) several times if they really had to stand in line with the rest of the people for the check-in. Apparently, they believed that being "hot" was reason enough to get special treatment. You can imagine how excited I was to meet them, but, as always, I chose to give them a chance. People can always prove you wrong. At first they seemed friendly enough. They were from Dallas, and they represented your typical group of annoying girls. There was the leader. She clearly spent a few hours ensuring that her hair was perfectly coiffed and that her makeup was caked on and flawless. There was the less attractive one that made up for her lack of physical perfection by being loud and sassy, and the other three were minions. All of them bowed to the leader's moods and whims. That became obvious when we arrived at the first winery.
Prior to getting to the first winery, I had to collect tasting fees on the bus. I announced that I would be doing this and gave people the option of paying with a credit card at the cash register when we got to the winery. As I walked through the bus, the task was fairly simple. The bachelorette party didn't want to do the tour and tasting, so I gave them their options (one of which was to buy a bottle of wine and drink it on the veranda). Surprisingly, they opted to take the tour.
When I got to the back of the bus I was greeted with anger. Apparently, the Dallas girls felt that they had been hoodwinked and believed that they shouldn't have to pay tasting fees. I apologized for their misunderstanding, and the response I got was "Well, we know it's not your fault, but I just thought you could use some feedback."
Feedback is great, but that didn't answer the question as to whether or not they wanted to go on the tour or just go do their own tasting sans group. Two of them gave me money (ironically, the first to give me money was the one that raised the stink about paying for tasting fees), one told me she was using a credit card, and the other two complained that they didn't know what was going on. They then tried to hand me their credit cards. When I didn't accept their credit cards, they got mad at me. Let me restate that, the leader got pissy with me when I wouldn't take her credit card. Once again, I explained that she would have to use her credit card at the register at the winery. The cash collecting was just a way to simplify the process. It was at that point that I knew my day was going to be a bad one.
We got to the winery, and the girls disappeared. I had to hunt them down to pay for their tour and tasting. There was no way I was going to let them get away with it for free. It simply wouldn't be fair. Throughout the tour, they were nothing less than rude. They talked throughout the entire tour (much as they did while I was giving commentary on the bus). I've never seen the head docent as angry as he was that day. They giggled, pointed, and talked throughout, being generally disruptive. Why they went on the tour is a mystery to me.
Once we got through the tour, those girls were the ones that lagged and decided to jump in line at the time at which I asked that they be on the bus. My fellow tour guide was there with his group. I was watching the line, and he walked up to me and said, "If looks could kill…"
Apparently my disgust was obvious. We held an entire conversation with faux smiles on our faces during which he teased me for having gotten the hot girl bus. He jokingly offered to trade buses because they were "smoking hot", and he felt he would do great with them (and, in all honesty, he probably would have been better off then me. You see, I'm the one that has a bad time with girls like this. Why? Because I'm a girl. The other female tour guide who is in her 20's has the same problem as me. Girls are bitchy, and hot girls are the worst. If I were a guy, they wouldn't make me the enemy (and don't worry, that part is coming up), but I'm just a Plain Jane kind of girl who uses her wit to win people over rather than a skimpy dress, not to mention the fact that I acknowledge that there are other people in the world and am considerate of others).
Our conversation went like this:
Me: I just remembered why I don't live in Dallas.
Tour Guide: Oh? Why? The architecture? The food? Is it the highway system?
Me: Surprisingly, it's none of the above.
Tour Guide: I can't imagine what it would be.
Me: I know, it's weird, huh?
Tour Guide: Well, I'm going to go take care of the gray hairs.
Me: I wish we could trade. I'll take the oldsters any day over this.
After much glaring (on my part), everyone completed their transactions and made it back to the bus. We headed out to our lunch stop, and I explained the importance of being timely. Once the hour and a half was up, I went looking for everyone and spotted the bachelorette party check the time (which happened to be the exact time that I told them to be back on the bus) and walk to the restroom rather than go to the bus. You can imagine my dismay. Needless to say, we were late leaving the winery.
As we pulled away, I decided to take that time to remind people that when I say be back on the bus at 1 o'clock, I mean be on the bus. I do not mean go to the bathroom or make last-minute purchases. It is appalling how self-centered people are!
Now did my kind reminder make a difference at the third winery when it was time to go? No. The Dallas girls joined forces with the birthday party and the bachelorette party, and they made no attempt to get on the bus, forcing me to yell at them as if they were children. Once on the bus, they became overbearingly loud, and there was nothing I could do to control them. I continued to try and focus on the people on the bus that were nice, but I have to admit it was a challenge. The leader of the Dallas girls kept complaining about the air conditioner along with anything else she found to be unsatisfactory to her personally.
We got to our final winery, and I decided to steer clear of the gaggle of girls. I spent time with the other guests, and then I went outside to sit on a couch and let the time go by. As I sat there, I glanced over at the large fountain at the front of the winery and saw the Dallas girls posing for pictures. Two guys, who were not part of the tour, were sitting next to me and were giving a running commentary on what the girls were doing. They were pretty funny and were basically disgusted by the girls. I felt a silent kinship with them.
As the guys were making fun of them, I found myself looking in the direction of the girls. I wasn't staring, but I also couldn't see that well because my contacts were foggy. At one point, I heard one of the girls say, "Ew. Our tour guide is totally staring at us. Oh my god, I can't believe our tour guide is staring at us." The sad part was that I wasn't looking at them at all when she said that. I was busy trying to get my contacts to clear, so it wasn't a struggle for me to look at things, and, in all fairness, they were standing directly in front of me. To not look in their direction I would have had to completely reposition myself.
It was at this point, I could hold my tongue no longer. Despite the fact that I was sitting next to a couple from my tour, I decided to make a snide comment about the girls.
Me: Those girls are the bane of my existence today.
Guy 1: Oh yeah? You know them?
Me: Unfortunately, I'm their tour guide. I hate them.
Guy 2: I hated them the second I saw them.
Me: Me too. (Turning to the couple next to me.) I'm sorry, I shouldn't say this in front of you.
Husband: Oh, don't worry. I'm with you.
Wife: Yeah, I'm no fan.
And that settled it. It wasn't just me. And once again, I felt like I was in the 7th grade.
Our time at the fourth winery was up, so I gathered everyone up. The girls made it on the bus and the leader immediately started yelling at me.
Leader: I need a corkscrew. Give me a corkscrew.
Me: I don't have a corkscrew.
Leader: That's stupid. Why wouldn't you have one? I need a corkscrew. How are we supposed to drink?
Me: Gee, I can't imagine why I don't carry a corkscrew. (At that point, the people around me started to laugh).
Leader: (Yelling to everyone on the bus.) Does someone else have a corkscrew?
Me: Perhaps someone has a saber.
Leader: It's hot. Turn on the air conditioner.
Me: It's on full blast. Since it's 95 degrees outside, it takes time for the bus to cool down. You'll just have to be patient.
The bus ride continued, and all of the girls (with the exception of the party of 8) joined forces and were loud, loud, loud. I chatted with the people on the bus and was interrupted several times by the leader demanding that I turn the air conditioning up. The third time she whined about it, I couldn't help but become totally condescending and take on some faux southern charm.
Leader: (Whining.) It's really hot. You need to turn up the air conditioner.
Me: (In my best Texas accent.) Honey I know you're hot, but there's just nothing I can do. The A/C's on full blast. You're just gonna have to sit tight.
And that shut her up.
Then, a long 20 minutes later, we made it to the ferry. Everyone got off of the bus, and as the group of 8 exited, one of them tipped me. She pulled me aside and said, "They were so loud! I had to put my earplugs in. Did they tip you? I reminded them that they need to tip you, especially after the way they behaved."
I smiled at her and thanked her for her concern, but I knew they weren't going to tip me.
The birthday girl exited the bus, shook my hand and thanked me. "You are really patient. I feel sorry for you. At least you're done with us now."
"No," I replied. "I still have to ride the ferry."
"Oh, well, you still did a good job."
No tip…unless her praise of my patience was the tip.
Then the Dallas girls exited and ignored me.
I got everyone on the ferry, and I did everything I could to avoid the girls. In fact, I went as far as to hang out in the bathroom, so I could be alone for a spell. Once I left the bathroom, I walked over to the bar to say hello to the bartender.
"You look wiped." He said in greeting.
I was a little surprised. I thought I was hiding it well. "Yeah, rough day."
"Want a shot?"
"Nah," I replied. "I'll be fine. I had the bus with the girls."
"Oh, " He looked at my sympathetically. "I just served them. They didn't have enough money for their drinks, so I gave it to them for $15. Then they dumped their purses and gave me all the change they had in the bottom. I think I got a dollar fifty."
I laughed. "Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm definitely not getting a tip."
After that I wandered around to find other guests. The boat docked, and I exited. As the girls came off the bus, I considered ignoring them, but, as usual, I took the high road.
"Thanks!"
They ignored me. Later I found out that, as they passed my fellow tour guide, one of them said, "What's she standing there for? Does she think she's getting a tip? What a loser."
Yeah, those girls were awesome. I might have to walk if I get another bus like that. I just don't understand why adults feel the need to treat people like that. Seriously. Why so self-centered? Why force an adversarial relationship on someone that is only there to be helpful and do her job? Why be obnoxious? I just don't get it.
And they are the reason that I can't live in Dallas. Nope. Can't do it. Not as long as people like that make up the population.
--------Well, I may stand corrected. I had an awesome couple on my tour today, and they were from Dallas. I suppose not EVERYONE that lives there is a vapid, self-involved a-hole.------------
Addendum, Dos: One of the tour patrons wrote a review on TripAdvisor. Thankfully, they thought I did a good job. The guide at one of the wineries...well, he didn't fair so well for that hissy fit he threw...
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